Hertz Soars While UnitedHealth Tanks What the Hell is Going On?!

Hertz: Ackman's Wild Ride

Alright let's cut the crap. Hertz is up nearly 16%. Why? Ackman. That shark saw something he liked or maybe he just wanted to stir the pot. Either way it's a reminder: in this game perception is reality. Doesn't matter if Hertz is still peddling rentals like it's 1985. Ackman's in so everyone else jumps in like lemmings. Just remember who's holding the bag when the music stops.

UnitedHealth: Doc's Diagnosis? Disaster!

UnitedHealth down 19%? Ouch. Missed earnings slashed guidance... sounds like someone's been playing doctor with the numbers and got caught. In this town you either adapt or die. And right now UnitedHealth looks like it's on life support. Time to get in there and extract value or short the hell out of it.

Lilly's Elixir of Greed

Eli Lilly. The stock's up 11%. Big Pharma baby! Promising weight loss and diabetes pills. It's the American Dream monetized: get fat get sick and then pay a fortune to 'fix' it. Pure gold! Shows that as long as you can prey on people's insecurities and vanity the money train never stops.

Taiwan Semi: Tariff Tango

Taiwan Semiconductor up 3%. They're playing the tariff game like pros. 'Uncertainties and risks,' they say. Translation: we're hedging our bets and so should you. Smart move. The world's getting messier but chips are still the currency of power. They who control the silicon control the world.

D.R. Horton: House of Cards?

D.R. Horton down over 3%. Housing market showing cracks? Or just a speed bump? Doesn't matter. Opportunity is always there. Time to sniff around for weaknesses find the soft spots and exploit them. 'A good offense is the best defense' and all that jazz.

Alcoa: Aluminum Blues

Alcoa down over 2%. Missed revenue but beat on earnings? Someone's cooking the books or maybe they're just getting squeezed. Either way it's a chance to make a play. Always remember 'What's the point of having fuck you money if you can't say fuck you?' And sometimes saying fuck you means shorting a struggling company into oblivion. That's business people.