Stock Market Rollercoaster: UnitedHealth Plunges, Reddit Gets AI-ed, and I'm Still Waiting for My Flying Car!

UnitedHealth: Is it a Bird is it a Plane is it a DOJ Investigation?

Well folks it looks like UnitedHealth had a week. Down 23%? Ouch! They're facing a CEO departure suspended guidance (always a fun surprise!) and are reportedly under investigation by the DOJ. I mean I've had some tough Mondays but this is a whole different level. Investors are 'scooping up shares,' which sounds a bit like bargain hunting after a hurricane. Makes me wonder if they'll be saying 'Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose,' later on. I hope they've got a good strategy or they might need to call Melinda for some philanthropic intervention.

Reddit vs. Google AI: The Search Wars Heat Up!

Reddit's stock took a 4% hit after Wells Fargo downgraded it. Apparently Google's AI is muscling in on their search traffic. I guess even cat videos aren't immune to the AI revolution. It reminds me of the old days at Microsoft constantly battling Netscape (may it rest in peace). This time it's algorithms versus... well more algorithms. I wonder if I should invest in a company that teaches AI how to understand sarcasm. That’s where the real money is I tell you! Although I would say that content and the discussions in Reddit are as good as Gold.

Tesla and Palantir: Tech Titans Take a Tumble

Ah Tesla and Palantir. The darlings of retail investors both down over 3%. A tech stock bloodbath you might say. Makes you think what kind of innovation is out there? Elon is probably just busy launching another rocket while Palantir is well doing whatever it is Palantir does (still trying to figure that one out). I hope the company can continue to 'raise their game' because from what I can observe in the market the company is not doing so well. Time to invest in the future I suppose; speaking of the future where's my flying car?

23andMe Gets a Second Life Courtesy of Regeneron

Regeneron's swooping in to buy 23andMe's assets for $256 million after their bankruptcy. It's like a tech version of organ donation. I hope Anne Wojcicki is doing okay. Everyone deserves a second chance even if it involves genetic data and bankruptcy proceedings. However they're not getting Lemonaid Health! I bet the team is feeling sour about that. That’s like selling the chicken but keeping the egg!

Bath & Body Works: Scent of Change in the Executive Suite

Gina Boswell is out at Bath & Body Works and former Nike exec Daniel Heaf is stepping in. It's always interesting to see leadership changes. I wonder if he'll be launching a new line of 'Just Do It' scented candles. As I'd always say 'The key to success is good leadership.' Although honestly I’m more of a bar soap guy myself. Keep it simple keep it clean.

Apple Alibaba and Trump: A Tech Cold War Brewing?

The New York Times is reporting concerns about Apple potentially using Alibaba's AI in iPhones in China. The Trump administration is worried. Oh boy! It's like a geopolitical tech thriller. I can already hear the whispers of national security and trade wars. Maybe I should stick to philanthropy and disease eradication. It's less complicated unless of course you start talking about mRNA.