Wall Street Bloodbath or Boom! Which Companies Are Surviving (and Which Are Getting Eaten Alive?)

3M's Survival Kit: Earnings Beat!

Listen up folks! In the concrete jungle of Wall Street you gotta know how to adapt. 3M they've clearly been reading my survival guide. A whopping 8% jump! They pulled in an adjusted $1.88 per share on $5.78 billion of revenue smashing expectations. They didn't just survive they thrived! Remember folks: improvise adapt overcome! And sometimes that means having the right adhesive.

RTX's Rough Landing: Tariff Turbulence!

RTX on the other hand took a 9% nosedive. Even with better than expected earnings management's tariff talk spooked the investors. Seems they forgot the first rule of survival: always be prepared. Tariffs are like a sudden downpour in the jungle – you gotta find cover or you're going to get soaked. Sometimes you just have to drink your own pee and brace yourself!

CoreWeave Rides the AI Wave: A Savage Opportunity!

CoreWeave's riding the artificial intelligence wave like a pro surfer up more than 7%. Analysts are throwing 'buy' ratings at it like jungle vines. Jefferies analyst Brent Thill says they're 'positioned well' to cash in. See folks? Spot the trend grab the opportunity and hang on tight! The early bird gets the worm; or in this case the AI gold.

Northrop Grumman's Guidance Gets a Reality Check

Ouch! Northrop Grumman's shares dove 13% after cutting their full year earnings guidance. That's like falling into a crevasse on a glacier. Earnings per share are expected to be down from previous estimates. Sometimes no matter how tough you are you can hit a rough patch. The important thing is to learn from it adapt and keep moving forward. Even if you have to eat something disgusting to survive the night.

Halliburton's Tariff Trauma: 2 Cents Can Kill!

Halliburton's stock took a tumble because of Trump's tariffs. CEO Jeffrey Miller says North American customers are rethinking their 2025 plans. Down as much as 9.8%! It's like running into a venomous snake – you need to react fast! 2 cents to 3 cents can mean a BIG difference to your EPS (earnings per share). Remember folks always be aware of your surroundings because you never know what might be lurking around the corner.

Hertz's Wild Ride: Ackman to the Rescue!

Hertz is having a rollercoaster of a day up over 15%. Bill Ackman's Pershing Square revealed a major stake betting that rising used car prices will boost Hertz. It's like finding an oasis in the desert. 'Uniquely well positioned' says Ackman. Sometimes you just need a savvy investor to point you in the right direction. And remember if you ever get lost just follow the vultures – they know where the action is! But don't eat what they're eating!