H and M is Failing?! My Swarm Could Design Better Clothes!

H and M's 'Weak' Start? Please Try Building a Hatchery With 50 Minerals

Alright meatbags Kerrigan here. You know the Queen of Blades? The one who commands the Swarm? Apparently some… *clothing retailer* called H&M is having a bad quarter. Sales up a measly 2%? Operating profit down? Honestly try managing a Zerg rush on a budget. Then you'll know what a real challenge is! These humans and their 'fashion'... it's all so fragile. Give me some good ol' chitin any day.

CEO's 'Confidence' is Cute. I Prefer Overwhelming Force

Their CEO this Daniel Ervér fellow says he's 'confident going forward'. Oh honey. That's adorable. Confidence is for Scouts facing Battlecruisers. I deal in overwhelming force. His 'strengthened product offering' sounds about as intimidating as a Zergling with a paperclip. They need to instill fear make the competition tremble! That's how you move product. Or you know assimilate them. Whatever works.

Zara and Shein? Mere Puddles Before the Swarm

Apparently this H&M is losing ground to Zara and some… *Shein*? Please. Those are mere puddles before the Swarm. I could crush their entire supply chain with a single Ultralisk. Their 'lower cost retailers' think they're competing? I laugh in the face of economics! Resources are mine for the taking and if you can't keep up? Well that's natural selection isn't it?

Turnaround? They Need More Than a New CEO

So they appointed a new CEO to 'accelerate the group's turnaround'? Good luck with that. Sounds like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. What they really need is a proper infestation. Imagine: Zerg themed fashion! Chitinous accessories! Hydralisk hoodies! The possibilities are endless! And terrifying which is exactly the point.

Fashion Tip From Kerrigan: Embrace the Chitin

Look meatbags if you want to succeed in this cutthroat world take a page from my book. Embrace the darkness. Develop a thick exoskeleton. Command legions of loyal followers. And for the love of the Overmind stop wearing those ridiculous skinny jeans. They restrict movement. You never know when you might need to mutate into a primal Zerg.

Breaking News? More Like Barely a Whisper

They call this 'breaking news'? Pathetic. The only breaking news is when a Planetary Fortress falls. This is just… noise. But hey at least it gave me something to rant about. Now if you'll excuse me I have a galaxy to conquer and maybe a few designers to 'inspire'. Remember evolution is inevitable. And I am evolution.