Stellantis Caves to Trump's Tariffs Like a Hamster! Will Others Follow?

Axe's Take: The Art of the Deal Gone Wrong

Okay let's get one thing straight. This isn't chess; it's more like a bunch of toddlers playing with matches. Trump's tariffs are the kind of move that makes you wonder if he's shorting the entire auto industry. Stellantis folding like a cheap suit? That's not playing to win that's playing not to lose... which is just losing slower. Remember 'What's the point of having fuck you money if you never say fuck you?' I'd tell Trump 'fuck you' but I don't want to get entangled in something that small.

Stellantis: Panic in the Assembly Line

Two plants down thousands out of work. Windsor Toluca – sounds like a bad hand in a poker game. Filosa's email? A bunch of corporate jargon trying to sugarcoat a turd. 'Uncertainty,' he says. Uncertainty is when you're deciding between a Gulfstream and a Bombardier. This is a damn crisis and they're treating it like a quarterly earnings call. The stock tanks. Serves 'em right. The market smells fear and fear is a scent I know well.

Unifor's Lament: Unions Tariffs and Tears

Payne from Unifor is crying foul. 'Trump is about to learn how interconnected the North American production system is the hard way.' Tell that to the guys on the assembly line Lana. They're not learning about interconnectedness; they're learning about unemployment benefits. Unions... sometimes they are useful sometimes they're just another layer of bureaucracy between me and making money. Speaking of money: 'Money mellows. It's like a fine wine or a beautiful woman. The more time you spend with it the easier it is to be around.'

GM's Truck Gambit: More Trucks More Profit

GM's playing it cool. Upping truck production in Indiana? Classic move. While Stellantis is busy cutting and running GM's picking up the slack. Smart. Trucks are where the real money is. Americans love big gas guzzling machines that scream 'I'm compensating for something!' They know their customer: insecure and wanting to feel powerful. Genius I tell you genius.

Ford's Feel Good Discount: A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Ford's offering employee discounts to everyone? Oh how generous. Call it 'From America For America.' Sounds like something out of a cheesy car commercial. Don't be fooled. This isn't charity; it's a sales tactic. They're trying to look like the good guys while lining their pockets. Smart but transparent. Next thing you know they'll be giving away free American flags with every purchase.

Axe's Prediction: Blood in the Water

So what's the play here? Stellantis is weak. GM's opportunistic. Ford's playing the PR game. The auto industry is a battlefield and Trump just handed everyone a weapon. This is going to get ugly. But you know what they say: 'I like knowing things other people don't.' And I know that opportunity lies in chaos. Time to sharpen my blades.