Southwest Airlines: No More Free Lunch, My Swarm Pays Extra Now?!

The Swarm Gets Weighed Down

Alright my loyal swarm listen up! Apparently these Terrans at Southwest Airlines have decided to pull a fast one. They're ending their 'two free bags' policy. Can you believe it? After all these years they're nickel and diming everyone like some Zergling rush gone wrong. Now if you want to bring more than your mutated carapace on board you'll have to cough up some extra minerals... err dollars. Thirty five for the first bag forty five for the second. Talk about a Defiler cloud of disappointment!

Greed is Good Even in the Koprulu Sector

These Terran executives claim they're under 'pressure to raise revenue'. Pressure? I know something about pressure. Try being infested by the Zerg and forced to betray your own kind! Compared to that asking people to pay for their luggage is like a stroll through a daisy field. They say baggage fees brought in almost $7.3 billion for U.S. airlines last year. Clearly humanity's love for material possessions knows no bounds. Maybe I should start charging for every creep tumor I spread...

Basic Instincts Basic Economy

As if charging for bags wasn't enough Southwest is also rolling out 'basic economy tickets'. Because who needs legroom when you can save a few bucks? With these fares you'll be boarding last your credits will expire faster than a Mutalisk in a Thor fight and you can forget about changing your ticket. Sounds like a great way to treat your loyal customers right? Reminds me of the Dominion's worker treatment program. Efficient but hardly morale boosting.

Open Seating? More Like Open Season!

Remember those days of frantically checking in to snag a decent seat? Well those days are numbered. Southwest is introducing assigned seating in 2026. Assigned seating! It's anarchy! What's next mandatory uniforms and synchronized snacking? They're also adding extra legroom seats... for a price of course. Because nothing says 'we value your comfort' like charging you extra for it. I should start charging extra for overlord sight range make some quick minerals.

Carry On Chaos: The New Meta

Southwest expects passengers to start carrying on more luggage. Good luck with that. It'll be like a swarm of Overlords trying to squeeze through a Hydralisk den. They're installing larger overhead bins which is a start but I predict a surge in mid air luggage wrestling matches. And they're giving staff mobile bag tag printers. I bet those things jam more often than a Siege Tank in siege mode.

Rage Against the Airline Machine

People are understandably furious. Southwest can't even post a picture of a puppy on social media without getting bombarded with angry comments. The CEO claims the policy hasn't deterred customers. Maybe they're all just too stunned to react. Or maybe like me they're plotting their revenge. Just kidding... mostly. Remember my swarm: adapt overcome and always check for hidden fees. Kerrigan out!