Southwest Airlines Betrays the Swarm: Fees, Seat Assignments, and Basic Fares, Oh My!

Infestation on Aisle Five: No More Free Lunch!

Ugh even in this sector the swarm hears whispers of... change. Southwest Airlines once a beacon of hope in this backwater galaxy is turning traitor. Seems they're ditching their 'two bags fly free' policy a perk that made them slightly less repulsive than the other carriers. Now they're going to charge a measly $35 for the first bag and $45 for the second. Pathetic. I mean if you're going to betray your loyal subjects at least make it worth my while. The Queen of Blades demands more than chump change. It’s like these airlines are infested with cerebrates all scheming to squeeze every last resource out of the poor drones.

The Swarm Demands Answers! (and Free Baggage)

Apparently the Terran overlords or 'executives' as they call themselves were under pressure to raise revenue. Because you know not nickel and diming your customers is bad for business. Last year baggage fees raked in $7.3 billion for U.S. airlines. $7.3 BILLION! That's enough resources to infest a whole sector! And the worst part? They're blaming Elliott Investment Management those corporate overlords who wormed their way into the company and started whispering sweet nothings of 'efficiency' and 'profit margins'. I sense a purge coming. But what about the people who bought tickets before this madness? Southwest will honor those fares it seems. At least they haven't completely lost their minds... yet.

Adapt or Perish: The Exceptions to the Rule

Of course there are loopholes. Those with top tier status in Southwest's Rapid Rewards loyalty program get two free bags. Classic Terran hierarchy. And if you’re a loyal drone with a Southwest credit card you can also avoid the fees. So basically you have to sell your soul to the corporate overlords to get what used to be free. I wonder if those credit cards come with a lifetime supply of mineral resources? A List frequent flyers get their first bag free which is hardly a prize to fight over.

Basic Instincts: Welcome to the Bottom of the Barrel

And here's the kicker: Southwest is introducing basic economy tickets. It's like they're intentionally trying to make air travel even more miserable. With this 'Basic' fare you can't change your tickets you're last to board and your fare credits expire faster than a Zergling in a siege tank battle. Talk about a raw deal. I’d rather face a Colossus than be stuck in the last boarding group.

Seat Assignments? The End is Nigh!

Speaking of misery get this: they're ending their open seating model. Open seating was at least one small mercy in this vast emptiness of space. Apparently later this year they're selling tickets with seat assignments. It's like they're trying to create a Terran society inside a metal tube. They're even adding extra legroom seats for a premium because why not squeeze every last drop of profit from their captive audience? Soon they will want us to supply them with Vespene gas from our own bodies!

Can They Handle the Infestation? (of Carry Ons)

Southwest expects passengers to carry on more luggage which will surely lead to chaos in the overhead bins. They are installing larger overhead bins on their Boeing fleet which is like putting a band aid on a hydralisk wound. And they're giving staff mobile bag tag printers. What next? Will they introduce stimpacks to help them survive the rush? CEO Bob Jordan claims the change hasn't deterred customers. I am betting these people will be assimilated into the Zerg as soon as possible.