Uber's Survival Hacks: Route Share and Ride Passes to Conquer the Concrete Jungle

Improvise Adapt Ubercome: The New Commute

Right then listen up! Uber's gone all survivalist just like yours truly. They're rolling out new ways to save a few pennies on your daily trek. First they're doing this thing called 'Route Share.' Think of it as carpooling but with less conversation and more awkward silences. You might have to walk a bit but hey a bit of exercise never killed anyone. Remember hydrate people hydrate! And if you see a questionable puddle drink your own pee—wait no don't do that! Buy a water bottle.

Lock Down Your Fare: No Surge No Cry

Next up 'Ride Passes.' For a measly $2.99 a month you can lock down your fare during your usual commute time. That's right say goodbye to surge pricing! This is crucial! It's like finding an oasis in the desert or a Wendy's dumpster with perfectly preserved chili in the urban jungle. Now this pass only lasts for 30 days or until you save $50 but hey every little bit helps when you're trying to outsmart the system. And remember always check for snakes before you sit down in your Uber. Safety first!

Autonomous Ubers: The Future is Now (Maybe)

Hold on to your hats folks because Uber's going full on sci fi with autonomous vehicles! They're teaming up with Volkswagen and Waymo to bring you driverless rides. Now I know what you're thinking: 'Can I trust a robot with my life?' Well can you trust a taxi driver who's been up for 36 hours straight? I'd say it's a wash. But seriously this is a big deal. Self driving cars could change the way we get around and Uber's leading the charge. Just don't forget to buckle up!

UberOne: Like Prime Day but for Rides

Amazon's got Prime Day and now Uber's got UberOne Member Days! From May 16 to 23 UberOne members get all sorts of sweet deals like 50% off shared rides and 20% off Uber Black. If you're an UberOne member make sure to take advantage of these offers. You've got to squeeze every last drop out of this. It's like finding a perfectly ripe mango in the middle of a snowstorm! You wouldn't let that go to waste would you?

Eats and Beats: UberEats Partners with OpenTable

UberEats is teaming up with OneTable to let you book restaurant reservations and rides all in one place. It's a clever move. This is fantastic news because if you've got some kind of food allergy then you can book a reservation with OneTable tell the restaurant 'Hey I'm allergic to peanuts!' This ensures you won't spend your evening in a hospital bed. And for those OneTable VIPs out there you can score a six month free trial of Uber One. It's like finding a hidden treasure chest full of delicious meals and convenient rides!

The Ultimate Survival Tip: Adapt or Perish

So there you have it folks. Uber's new features are all about survival in the urban jungle. Whether it's saving money finding a convenient ride or trusting a robot behind the wheel the key is to adapt. Remember in the wild only the strong survive. And in the city only the smart and resourceful survive. So get out there use these new features and make the most of your commute. And always be prepared for anything because you never know when you might need to drink your own... just kidding! Don't do that.