Russia's Great Success Story: How Iran War Brings Kazillions to Putin's Pockets

Jagshemash Is Good News for Russia

Chenqui! I am Borat Sagdiyev investigative journalist reporting live from… well not Kazakhstan. I am in America learning about world news. And what I see is very interesting. Iran our neighbor to the south (very far south) is having big problems. Very bad for them but maybe… very nice for Russia. Like when I buy horse and then find out horse also good for pulling cart! Double win!

Oil Prices Go Up Putin's Smile Goes Wide

Sergey Vakulenko who sounds like he knows much about numbers (unlike me) say that oil price go very high. Like my wife's sister! He says that Russia is making "kazillions" of dollars every month because of this. Even countries that don't like Russia are buying more oil! It is like when you have very smelly cheese but it is only cheese available. You hold nose and eat. And now you can also read AI's Rise Prompts CEO Exits at Coca Cola and Walmart to understand other factors at play in the global economy. Very nice.

No More Pawning the Countryside?

Before Putin was spending so much money on war that he was "pawning the country." This means he was taking money from other things to pay for the war. Like when I sell my cow to buy suit but then have no milk for village. But now because of Iran problems he has more money! He can keep the cow and still have the suit! Very good for Putin not so good for cow.

Distraction From Problems – Is Great Success

This Iran situation is also good for Russia because it distracts from their other problems. Like when you have very bad toothache but then break leg. You forget about toothache! Russia has inflation high interest rates and many sanctions. But now everyone talking about Iran not Russia. Is great success! High five!

Ukraine Very Sad Geopolitical Shift

Zelenskyy the leader of Ukraine (who I once mistake for woman in beauty contest) is very unhappy. He say that America is sending missiles to Iran not Ukraine! It is like when you invite friend for party but then another friend have bigger party. You go to bigger party! Very sad for Ukraine. Wawaweewa.

Short Term Fix for Long Term Problems?

General Shireff (sounds like sheriff but with British accent) says that Russia is like climber on mountain dying slowly. But right now they have energy from Iran situation. It is like climber finds chocolate bar! Good for now but still very high and very cold. So Russia has some good luck but the problems still there. As I say in Kazakhstan "Jackpot but also syphilis." Very complicated.