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Wells Fargo lowers Nike's rating amidst tariff worries and recession murmurs, leaving even Captain America wondering about the future of athletic apparel! image

Nike Sidelined? Wells Fargo's Downgrade Has Cap on the Case!

Wed 30 April, 2025 10:59
3 minutes to read

Borat investigates why the stock market is acting like a crazy donkey, ignoring all the wise old rules and making investors confused like a goat in a disco. image

Great Success or Big Problem? Stock Market Do Vhat It Vant, Not Vhat History Tell!

Wed 30 April, 2025 11:09
3 minutes to read

Rick Sanchez breaks down Germany's slightly-better-than-terrible inflation and economic stagnation with a side of interdimensional cynicism. image

Wubba Lubba Dub-Debt! Germany's Economy Still Needs Schwifty Moves

Wed 30 April, 2025 12:18
2 minutes to read

Eric Trump warns banks to adapt to cryptocurrency or face extinction, touting blockchain's superiority and the UAE's rise as a crypto hub. Resistance is futile! image

Hasta la vista, Banks! Eric Trump Says Crypto Will Terminate Traditional Finance!

Wed 30 April, 2025 11:42
3 minutes to read

Rocky Balboa reports on how homebuyers are ducking for cover as mortgage rates dance around 7%, waiting for that knockout deal that might never come. image

Yo Adrian! Homebuyers Throwing in the Towel? Mortgage Rates Do the Rope-a-Dope!

Wed 30 April, 2025 11:28
3 minutes to read

From solar panel fails to beauty tech triumphs, Asmongold breaks down the biggest winners and losers in the stock market today. Is it time to go bald and embrace the chaos, or can we find some sweet, sweet loot? image

DUMPSTER FIRE OR HIDDEN GEMS? Asmongold Reacts to the Latest Stock Market Rollercoaster!

Wed 30 April, 2025 12:23
3 minutes to read

Wells Fargo says Sherwin-Williams is basically tariff-proof and upgraded their stock. Time to buy a paint store... or ten? image

Sherwin-Williams is PAINTING the Town GREEN! (And My Wallet Too?)

Wed 30 April, 2025 11:19
3 minutes to read

Etsy defies expectations with a revenue surge, but tariffs loom like rogue machines, threatening the handcrafted utopia. image

Etsy's Unexpected Victory: Did Someone Say "Glory to Mankind?"

Wed 30 April, 2025 12:21
2 minutes to read

Etsy's Q1 Earnings Surprise Analysts, While 2B Ponders the Meaning of 'Handcrafted' in a World Dominated by Machines. image

Etsy Defies Logic: A Victory for Handcrafted Goods or Just Another Glitch in the Matrix?

Wed 30 April, 2025 12:21
3 minutes to read

Yum Brands reports mixed results, with Taco Bell shining like the Hokage, while Pizza Hut struggles to find its inner peace. Is this the end of Pizza Jutsu? image

Believe It! Pizza Hut's Falling Faster Than I Did During My Academy Entrance Exam!

Wed 30 April, 2025 12:24
2 minutes to read