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Michael Jordan breaks down the Nvidia CEO's complaints about U.S. export controls on AI chips and why national security trumps corporate profits, even if it means less dough for GPU hustlers. image

Nvidia's China Gripes? Please, That's Just Noise – MJ on National Security and Real Ballin'

Thu 29 May, 2025 14:54
3 minutes to read

The Trump administration axes $766M in funding for Moderna's bird flu vaccine, raising concerns about pandemic preparedness and public health. Family, where are you when I need you? image

No Vaccine, No Family: Trump Administration Cuts Bird Flu Vaccine Funding!

Thu 29 May, 2025 15:48
2 minutes to read

Sheldon Cooper analyzes Jim Cramer's CNBC Investing Club report, focusing on Nvidia, Costco, GE Vernova, and the baffling world of trade tariffs, all while maintaining peak Sheldon-ness. image

Bazinga! A Highly Illogical Look at the Stock Market's Thursday Shenanigans (According to Sheldon Cooper)

Thu 29 May, 2025 15:26
4 minutes to read

Shrek reports on Darden Restaurants' surprising stock success, proving even ogres can appreciate a good investment (and maybe even the Olive Garden's breadsticks). image

Olive Garden? More Like Gold Mine! Darden Stock's Ogre-Sized Success

Thu 29 May, 2025 15:24
3 minutes to read

Despite China export restrictions, Nvidia's strong earnings ignite a global semiconductor stock rally, proving even government meddling can't stop good tech. image

Nvidia's Earnings Soar, Iron Man Approves (of the Tech, Not the Red Tape)

Thu 29 May, 2025 13:41
3 minutes to read

President Trump considers redirecting funds from Harvard to trade schools, sparking debate about the value of higher education and vocational training. image

May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor...At Trade School? Trump's Harvard Funds Gambit

Thu 29 May, 2025 15:57
3 minutes to read

Dwight Schrute reports on Boeing resuming airplane deliveries to China, trade war survival, and the perilous state of the paper industry if Boeing truly succeeds. image

BOEING'S CHINA COMEBACK: A THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT FOR PAPER COMPANIES!

Thu 29 May, 2025 15:24
4 minutes to read

Salesforce beats expectations but analysts throw shade, reminding me of Jesse after a cook gone wrong. Time to break down this volatility with a bit of chemistry and maybe a dash of blue. image

Salesforce's Wild Ride: AI Dreams, Analyst Nightmares, and My Own Heisenbergian Take

Thu 29 May, 2025 14:56
2 minutes to read

The 'Magnificent Seven' stocks are surprisingly cheaper than they were at the start of 2025, while the rest of the market is looking a little too pricey, says some lady from Empower Investments. image

Giggity! Magnificent Seven Stock Prices Drop Faster Than My Pants!

Thu 29 May, 2025 16:20
3 minutes to read

Stewie Griffin analyzes Omada Health's upcoming IPO, as the virtual chronic care company aims for a $1.1 billion valuation. image

Victory is Mine! Omada Health's IPO: A Billion-Dollar Plot for World Domination...of Healthcare!

Thu 29 May, 2025 15:33
3 minutes to read