Ellen Ripley - NewsRetold Latest News

Light
Dark

Showing 11 to 20 of 136 news articles

Ripley reports on how clean energy stocks are tanking faster than the Nostromo thanks to a tax bill that loves Chinese components and hates the future. Prepare for impact, people! image

Another Day, Another Corporate Screw-Up: Clean Energy Gets Xenomorphed by Trump-Era Tax Bill!

Mon 30 June, 2025 14:06
2 minutes to read

Senate shenanigans over a massive spending bill remind Ripley of corporate greed and bureaucratic incompetence. Will this be another LV-426? image

Another Day, Another Bureaucratic Nightmare: They're At It Again, People!

Sun 29 June, 2025 03:55
2 minutes to read

Ripley Reports: Stock Market Surges to Record Highs, Fueled by AI, Geopolitics, and Economic Stubbornness. Are We Ready for What's Hatching? image

Wall Street's Gone Bug Huntin': AI, Defense Stocks, and a Resilient Economy!

Fri 27 June, 2025 17:58
3 minutes to read

Tesla's VP of Manufacturing and Operations, Omead Afshar, gets the boot amidst sales slumps and secret projects. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? image

Another One Bites the Dust: Musk Tosses Tesla Exec Out the Airlock

Fri 27 June, 2025 00:21
3 minutes to read

Sneaker giant Nike faces turbulent times with tariffs, delayed launches, and a tricky turnaround strategy. Is this a simple chest-burster, or a full-blown Xenomorph infestation? image

Nike's Fiscal Frights: Are We Heading for Another Corporate Bloodbath?

Thu 26 June, 2025 16:00
3 minutes to read

Meta dodges a copyright bullet in Llama AI training case, but the war ain't over, just like facing down a Xenomorph. This ain't no tea party; it's survival! image

Another Day, Another Corporate Beatdown: Meta Wins Round One in AI Copyright Brawl

Thu 26 June, 2025 00:13
3 minutes to read

Ripley reports on AeroVironment's Q4 earnings beat, BlueHalo acquisition, and Cramer's wild Palantir comparison – because apparently, drones are the new facehuggers? image

Another Day, Another Drone: AeroVironment Stock Soars Higher Than a Xenomorph in Zero-G!

Wed 25 June, 2025 15:32
2 minutes to read

Oil markets breathe a sigh of relief as a shaky ceasefire in the Middle East sends prices plummeting, leaving everyone wondering when the next xenomorph-sized crisis will hit. image

Another Day, Another Disaster Averted... Kinda: Oil Prices Plunge After Ceasefire Deal

Tue 24 June, 2025 20:22
3 minutes to read

Once a vocal supporter, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg's recent silence on LGBTQ+ issues raises questions as SF Pride faces funding cuts and corporate desertion. Is this a case of 'game over, man' for corporate allyship? image

Zuckerberg's Silent Treatment: Has Meta Abandoned the LGBTQ+ Community? Ripley Investigates

Tue 24 June, 2025 11:41
3 minutes to read

Senator Thune keeps the Senate in session to pass a 'big, beautiful bill,' facing internal resistance reminiscent of a facehugger attack on common sense. image

Senate Stays Put: Like Being Trapped on the Nostromo, But With More Paperwork!

Mon 23 June, 2025 16:56
2 minutes to read