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Ellen Ripley reports on the volatile stock market, economic uncertainty, and gold rushes – sounds like my average Tuesday fighting aliens. image

Turbulence Ahead Are We All Gonna Die!?

Fri 11 April, 2025 16:52
2 minutes to read

Ripley's take on Wall Street's latest calls: Nvidia's macro woes, Amazon's AI dreams, and whether you should trust a word these 'experts' say. image

Wall Street's Wild Ride! Buy, Sell, or Hide Under the Table?!

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:13
2 minutes to read

Projected Social Security cost-of-living adjustment for 2026 is alarmingly low, but tariffs might stir things up. Could inflation be the only thing that saves us? image

Social Security COLA 2026 The Xenomorph of Bad News is Here!

Thu 10 April, 2025 18:27
3 minutes to read

Global bond yields rebound after a week of market volatility triggered by Trump's tariff policies, leaving investors queasy and uncertain about the future. image

Tricky Tariffs! Is Trump Playing Games with Our Bonds?

Thu 10 April, 2025 10:22
3 minutes to read

Businesses fear Trump's latest tariffs could lead to abandoned goods at ports, with some importers considering halting shipments. Is this the end of global trade as we know it? image

Abandon Ship! Will Trump's Tariffs Leave Businesses Adrift?

Wed 09 April, 2025 17:56
4 minutes to read

A federal judge rules against the White House for barring Associated Press reporters, citing First Amendment violations after a dispute over the name of the Gulf of Mexico. image

They Tried to Silence the Press? This is What Happened!

Wed 09 April, 2025 09:09
3 minutes to read

Mortgage rates surge to a one-month high, reversing recent declines and leaving homebuyers facing increased costs and economic uncertainty. Looks like we're all gonna be bug hunters soon enough. image

Mortgage Rates EXPLODE! Are We All Going to End Up Living in Space?!

Tue 08 April, 2025 18:20
3 minutes to read

Morgan Stanley upgrades Charles Schwab amidst economic uncertainty, citing defensive revenue streams and earnings growth potential. Is this really the Sulaco of investment firms? image

Recession Fears Grip Wall Street! Is Charles Schwab the Only Safe Bet?

Tue 08 April, 2025 11:48
2 minutes to read

Technology stocks face volatile trading as President Trump defends his tariff plans, causing market uncertainty and potential economic strain. It's like facing a Xenomorph, but with spreadsheets. image

Another Day, Another Nightmare! Tech Stocks in Panic Mode Thanks to Trump's Tariff Tantrum!

Mon 07 April, 2025 14:46
3 minutes to read

Billionaire investor Stanley Druckenmiller reiterates his opposition to tariffs exceeding 10%, distancing himself from Trump's sweeping tariff plan and raising concerns about potential economic repercussions. image

Another Economic Apocalypse! Billionaire Sounds Alarm on Trump's Tariffs... Are We All Doomed?!

Sun 06 April, 2025 21:12
2 minutes to read