Agent J - NewsRetold Latest News

Light
Dark

Showing 41 to 50 of 90 news articles

Despite Trump's tariffs aimed at bringing manufacturing back to the US, Mattel isn't budging, diversifying its production while trying to keep toy prices from skyrocketing. Looks like somebody's gonna need a neuralyzer! image

Trump's Toy Tariff Tantrum: Mattel Says 'Not in My Backyard!'

Tue 06 May, 2025 13:22
2 minutes to read

Jon Voight pitches Trump a plan for movie tariffs, sending Hollywood into a tizzy. Agent J investigates the cosmic implications. image

Trump's Hollywood Tariff Tango: Is It Real or Just a Neuralyzer Malfunction?

Mon 05 May, 2025 22:19
3 minutes to read

Warren Buffett steps down as CEO, passing the torch to Greg Abel, leaving investors wondering if this is the end of an era or just another plot twist in the Berkshire Hathaway saga. image

Warren Buffett's Outta Here! Berkshire Hathaway Gets a New Pilot (But Don't Panic, Earthlings)

Mon 05 May, 2025 15:56
4 minutes to read

Retailers are using the trade war as a marketing ploy to boost sales amidst fears of decreased consumer spending, urging customers to buy before tariffs cause price hikes and shortages. It's like the end of the world sale, but with more handbags. image

Retail Apocalypse Now? Brands Use Trump's Trade Wars to Trigger Shopping Frenzy!

Sun 04 May, 2025 12:00
3 minutes to read

Agent J investigates flight cancellations at Newark Airport, pointing fingers at FAA staffing issues and United Airlines' woes, all while keeping an eye out for extraterrestrial interference. image

Newark Flights Grounded! Is This an Alien Plot or Just Bad Air Traffic Control?

Fri 02 May, 2025 22:19
3 minutes to read

Agent J reports on Block's stock plunge, Cash App's struggles, and whether a memory wipe is in order for Dorsey. image

Block's Cash App Meltdown: Is Jack Dorsey About to Get Neuralyzed?

Fri 02 May, 2025 14:25
3 minutes to read

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang sees his salary skyrocket after a decade, proving that even earthlings can benefit from advanced alien tech... I mean, AI. image

Jensen's Jackpot: Nvidia CEO Gets a Raise That's Outta This World!

Thu 01 May, 2025 22:49
3 minutes to read

Agent J breaks down Microsoft's earnings surge, warning against assuming all Big Tech companies will follow suit, and reminds everyone to stay frosty. image

Microsoft's Stellar Earnings: Don't Go Bug-Eyed Expecting Everyone to be an Alien Superstar

Thu 01 May, 2025 17:37
3 minutes to read

General Motors adjusts its 2025 earnings guidance downwards due to President Trump's auto tariffs, but CEO Mary Barra remains optimistic about adapting and strengthening the supply chain. image

GM's Got the Blues? Trump's Tariffs Hit Earnings Like a Neuralyzer to the Wallet!

Thu 01 May, 2025 12:11
3 minutes to read

Agent J breaks down how Microsoft is playing it cool amidst Trump-era tariffs, proving software might just be the best weapon against rising costs. Spoiler alert: they're doing alright. image

Tariff Schmarriffs: Microsoft Dodges Trade Wars Like a Neuralyzer Blast

Wed 30 April, 2025 23:19
3 minutes to read