Amazon's Zoox Robotaxis Take Over Austin and Miami

Holy Crap No More Drivers

Alright so Amazon's Zoox is rolling out these robotaxis in Austin and Miami. No steering wheel no pedals – just a big metal toaster on wheels. Reminds me of that time I built my own car the 'Hindenburger,' complete with a burger dispenser and a questionable safety record. Good times. Anyway these robotaxis are starting with employees and their families. Sounds like a company picnic gone wild.

Waitlist? Sounds Like a Job for Brian

They've got this 'Explorer program' where regular folks can join a waitlist. A waitlist? Seriously? Sounds like something Brian would get all intellectual about. I bet he'd write a whole book about the existential dread of waiting for a robotaxi. Speaking of which remember that time Brian tried to drive? Disaster. These things are popping up everywhere now including the Vatican Bank Joins the Investment Game A Swiftie's Take which is probably the most odd yet interesting twist to the driverless car market

Vegas Baby Driversless Vegas

Zoox is already doing this in Vegas and San Francisco. Vegas huh? Bet you can't gamble in them yet. Missed opportunity guys. Imagine betting on whether the robotaxi can parallel park. Now that's entertainment. They’re even planning to hit up the Sphere and the airport. I once tried to fly a kite at the airport. Security wasn't thrilled.

Waymo? More Like No Way Man

Apparently Zoox is trying to catch up with Waymo the robotaxi big shot. It's like me trying to catch up with Joe Swanson. Never gonna happen. Joe’s got those super cop reflexes and I’ve got… well a profound understanding of chicken fights.

Uber Cool Collaboration

Zoox is teaming up with Uber in Vegas. Another missed opportunity. They should’ve teamed up with Pawtucket Patriot Ale. Imagine ordering a robotaxi that delivers beer. That’s the future I want to live in. Hey maybe I can be their consultant. I'm an expert in both poor decisions and transportation it's like the time I started a cab company in Quahog.

A Long Slow Ride Indeed

The Zoox CEO says it's a "long journey." She ain't kidding. It's like waiting for Stewie to finally take over the world. It's always 'any day now'. But hey at least they're being stubborn about it. Stubbornness is key like when I insisted on wearing my lucky underwear for a week straight. Lois wasn't thrilled but hey we won the lottery. Coincidence? I think not.