Europe's Army of Chaos a Comical Catastrophe or Strategic Masterstroke

The Joke's on You A European Army

Alright folks let's talk about something truly hilarious a European army. You know the kind of idea that makes you wonder if everyone's lost their minds. According to recent buzz Europe is mulling over uniting their defense forces into one big happy family. What could possibly go wrong? It's like trying to herd cats only these cats have tanks and fighter jets. The clowns in Brussels are really trying to get their act together amidst rising tensions with Russia and that delightful chap Donald Trump. Apparently the EU's Commissioner for defense and space some guy named Andrius Kubilius wants a standing military force of 100,000 troops. Sounds like a party doesn't it? Spain's foreign minister is also on board dreaming of a "joint effort" that's "more efficient" than 27 separate armies. Efficient? In Europe? That’s rich.

When Chaos Met Opportunity

But hold on not everyone's laughing. Kaja Kallas from the EU warns this is "extremely dangerous." She says these proponents haven't thought it through. Maybe she’s right. After all what’s more dangerous than a group of politicians trying to run an army? It's like giving a monkey a machine gun. The origins of this grand scheme date back to 1951 when France first suggested a joint force against the Soviets. It failed miserably then and I bet you a truckload of dynamite it will fail now. The Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) thinks this should be reopened. Max Bergmann at CSIS says Europe's response to war would be "very messy" because their militaries are designed to work with the U.S. not each other. It's like expecting a bunch of toddlers to build a skyscraper. Speaking of messy you know what else is messy? The fact that you can explore the potential for AI to make sense of all the data generated by a European army in this article: Cohere AI Startup Sees Massive Growth Targeting Enterprise Clients. If these armies actually existed AI would be the only way to make sense of it all.

Money Money Money A Fool's Game

The European Commission is pledging to boost the defense industry throwing around euros like confetti. They’ve agreed to joint procurement of ammunition and missile defense with a budget of 310 million euros. That's a lot of dough for something that will probably end up as another bureaucratic nightmare. Some leaders suggest strengthening Europe's position within NATO instead. Finland's President Alexander Stubb thinks the region's defense should be "used nationally and in NATO not as an EU army." He says to boost the defense industry and increase the capabilities of European states. Sensible but where's the fun in that?

Madness is Like Gravity All You Need is a Little Push

Surveys show support for a common EU defense policy has risen. A recent EU Barometer survey put it at 81% in spring 2025 the highest since 2004. People are nervous about their security so they want radical change. But let's be honest folks radical change rarely ends well. Take it from me I'm a professional. A YouGov poll showed that a majority of respondents in several countries back the idea of a regional army. Europeans want change because they are scared. Fear that's the best fertilizer.

Chaos in the Horizon or a Calculated Gambit

Guntram Wolff at Bruegel thinks a sovereign European army is "quite unlikely unless circumstances change dramatically." He believes citizens would prefer joint defense efforts. But as Liana Fix at the Council on Foreign Relations warns the most important questions are decision making and command structures. So far everyone's still relying on NATO. Makes you wonder if they're just playing dress up.

A Clown in NATO Garb

At the NATO summit in the Hague members pledged to boost defense spending to 5% of GDP thanks to pressure from Trump. Spain opted out capping its budget at just over 2%. Spain's economy minister Carlos Cuerpo says they need to make "best use" of their money. He also said Spain will be a "reliable partner within NATO." Everyone's trying to look responsible. Like they have a clue what they are doing.