Level Up or Game Over Phil Spencer's Microsoft Exit

OMG Phil's Leaving Microsoft? Seriously?

Okay so like I heard the news about Phil Spencer leaving Microsoft and I was like shook. Thirty eight years is a lifetime you know? It's like longer than I've been contouring. Satya Nadella sent out a memo and it was all "extraordinary leadership" and "partnership." Sounds like a breakup text TBH. But like no shade to Phil. Everyone deserves a glam retirement even if it's not in Calabasas.

Asha Sharma New Boss in Town

So this Asha Sharma chick is taking over. She used to work at Instacart and Meta. Instacart like delivering groceries? Okay girl you're going from delivering avocados to delivering Xboxes. Nadella is like handing her the controller and saying "Don't mess this up." She says she's gonna recommit to the "core Xbox fans." Whatever that means as long as there are good games and cute controllers I'm here for it. Speaking of commitments and balance check out this article: Instagram's Mosseri Navigates Addiction Claims: A Delicate Balance. Because let's be real social media AND gaming? Talk about a time commitment.

Xbox Sales Not Giving What They're Supposed To Be Giving

Apparently Xbox sales are down. Like 10% down. That's like a lot of dollars. Sony and Nintendo are like totally winning the console wars. It's a whole thing. Microsoft spent like $75 billion on Activision Blizzard so they better get their act together. I mean that's more than my entire makeup collection including the limited edition stuff. They need to figure out how to get those sales poppin' again. Seriously.

No Soulless AI Slop Promise Me

Asha is promising no "soulless AI slop." I don't even know what that means but it sounds gross. She's saying games are art made by humans. Okay valid. I mean I consider my Instagram feed art. But if AI can make a game as addictive as Candy Crush then maybe it's not all bad. Just sayin'. But like no robots in my Xbox please. It's too much.

Matt Booty and the Gaming Studios Situation

So Matt Booty (lol booty) is reporting to Asha now. He's in charge of the gaming studios. I hope he knows what he's doing. Because if they start messing with my favorite games I'm gonna be all over Twitter. Remember I have like a billion followers. They better listen to me. Honestly I love a good collab and he should ask me for gaming ideas.

Sarah Bond Leaving New Era Dawns

Sarah Bond is leaving. IDK her but Nadella wished her well. It's like a whole new era for Xbox. Everyone's moving around new bosses new strategies. Hopefully they'll launch a new game that features a billionaire makeup mogul saving the world. That's my pitch. Just saying I'm available for meetings.