Oil Price Armageddon Trump's Threats Ignite Global Market Panic

The Ol' Barrel of Trouble

Giggity giggity goo! It seems things are heating up more than Lois in a bikini folks! Oil prices are set to skyrocket faster than Peter after a case of Pawtucket Patriot Ale. This whole situation with the U.S. and Iran is messier than Cleveland's bathwater. Experts are saying these threats to energy facilities could send us into a financial frenzy. Reminds me of that time I accidentally bid on a date with Death at the charity auction. Good times…or were they?

Trump's Ultimatum A Real Knee Slapper or Market Meltdown?

Alright so apparently Trump has given Iran a 48 hour ultimatum to reopen the Strait of Hormuz. And if they don't? Kaboom! He's threatening to shall we say "obliterate" their power plants. Which sounds like something Peter Griffin would yell while playing Call of Duty. But get this IG market analyst Tony Sycamore says it's a "48 hour ticking time bomb of elevated uncertainty over markets." Giggity that's some serious talk. We might see a spike in oil prices that'll make your head spin. Speaking of spinning that reminds me of that one time I tried to impress a girl by breakdancing…didn't end well. If you think that is scary take a look at Sumitomo Pharma Stock Plunge A Post Approval Reality Check now that is scary.

Iran Strikes Back Eye for an Eye Refinery for a Refinery?

Now Iran isn't just going to take this lying down oh no. They're threatening to retaliate by attacking U.S. linked infrastructure in the Gulf including those fancy schmancy energy and desalination plants. That's like threatening to take away all the beer at a Quahog clam bake! According to Amrita Sen founder of Energy Aspects Trump is trying to "out escalate" which could lead to a whole heap of trouble. As I always say violence is never the answer...unless you're fighting for a date with a supermodel.

Strait of Hormuz A Real Pain in the Gas Tank

This Strait of Hormuz business is no laughing matter. If it gets closed we're talking about a loss of 440 million barrels of global oil supply. That's more than all the dates I've been on combined! And according to the Atlantic Council if those desalination plants get hit some Gulf cities could become uninhabitable within weeks. Suddenly paying for premium gas doesn't seem so bad. Time to stock up on gasoline giggity.

The Aftermath Buckle Up Buttercup

So what happens if this whole thing goes south faster than Peter trying to parallel park? Well Brent crude gained almost 9% last week and WTI's discount to Brent hit an 11 year high. International Energy Agency chief Fatih Birol says restoring supplies from the Middle East Gulf could take up to six months. Sounds like a long time to be stuck with Brian's organic kale infused motor oil. And get this the Trump administration is thinking about occupying or blockading Iran's Kharg Island. Things are getting realer than Lois's lecture after I accidentally set the house on fire.

Final Thoughts and Glen Quagmire's Expert Analysis

Well folks it seems like we're in for a bumpy ride. Whether it's Trump's threats Iran's retaliation or just the sheer chaos of it all one thing's for sure oil prices are going up and maybe you should consider investing it gasoline or move to a town next to a petrol station. As a connoisseur of fine things and even finer ladies I can tell you that having a full tank of gas is essential for a night on the town. Giggity! So stay informed stay safe and maybe invest in a bicycle. You never know.