Iran War Shakes Up Car Sales Toyota Hyundai and Chery Face Fallout

The Situation? Respect My Authoritah!

Alright listen up you guys. Eric Cartman here reporting live from my mom's basement because that's where the real news happens. So some stupid war is brewing in the Middle East and apparently it's messing with car sales. Figures. Just when I was about to get my sweet electric scooter the world decides to implode. Screw you guys I'm going home! But I AM home so SCREW YOU GUYS I'm getting cheezy poofs.

Toyota Hyundai and Chery Feeling the Squeeze

So Bernstein – not the guy who wrote West Side Story but some other nerd – says Toyota Hyundai and Chery are gonna get hit the hardest. They sell a ton of cars in the Middle East apparently. Toyota's got 17% Hyundai's at 10% and Chery's scraping by with 5%. Good for them I guess. I don't care but you should care about Trump's State of the Union Aims to Boost Economy Amidst Poll Slump. Maybe if the economy was better those companies wouldn't be affected by the war in the Middle East because more people could buy cars.

Strait of Hormuz More Like Strait of Horrors

This Strait of Hormuz thing sounds serious. It's like a highway for oil tankers and car shipments. If it closes it's gonna add weeks to shipping times which means more waiting for my scooter. Not cool. Plus rising oil prices? That's gonna cut into my allowance for Cheezy Poofs. This is a catastrophe on par with that time Kyle's mom wouldn't let me dress up as Hitler for Halloween. Totally unfair.

Stellantis' Stock Taking a Dive

Apparently Stellantis – who even comes up with these names – is also in trouble. Their stock is tanking faster than Kenny at a funeral. Something about gas guzzling engines and bad timing. Serves them right for not making cars cool enough for me. I'm not driving a Prius you know? Respect my authoritah!

Oil Prices Through the Roof

Oil's up to $90 a barrel and gas prices are skyrocketing. Can you believe it? I'm gonna have to start walking everywhere. Or maybe I'll just get Butters to give me a piggyback ride. Either way this whole situation sucks worse than having to hang out with Wendy Testaburger. Ugh girls.

Cartman's Expert Automotive Insights

So what's the takeaway here you guys? Wars are bad they mess with car sales and they threaten my Cheezy Poof supply. The world needs to get its act together or else I'm gonna have to start singing "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" at the UN. You've been warned. Now if you'll excuse me I have some serious snacking to do.