Iran War Drives Up Pickleball Prices You Guys

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home...After I Report This

Alright listen up you guys. Cartman here reporting live from...well not live. I'm reading this off a screen but whatever. Apparently this whole Iran war thing is messing with my ability to buy pickleball paddles. Yeah pickleball. It's the new craze haven't you heard? Anyway this Chinese dude Devi Wei says he's gotta raise prices 'cause oil's going up. Oil makes the plastic and plastic makes the paddles. Simple economics even I get it.

Respect My Authoritah and Also My Paddle Prices

This Wei guy who runs Huijin Trade says Americans are gonna have to pay more. As if I don't already have enough problems paying for my Cheesy Poofs. He's raising prices by like 20 percent. And if the war keeps going it could double. Double you guys. That's like two whole pickleball paddles for the price of one. This is getting serious and affecting the credit markets. It's like that movie check it out AI Apocalypse Now Credit Markets Brace for Impact all I can say is that you need to respect my authoritah.

Polyester Scarves are Getting Expensive? Blame Iran

It's not just pickleball paddles either. Some dude named James Li who makes scarves says his polyester stuff is going up 5 percent. Five percent. That's like a whole nickel. He sells a bunch of scarves to Americans so yeah you're all screwed. He says he's passing the extra cost to his customers. Figures.

I Hate PVC Figurines and Their Inflated Prices

Then there's Wang Mingming who makes toys. He's hoarding PVC which is some kind of plastic polymer but he's worried he'll have to charge more for his stupid figurines. He says the materials are irreplaceable. I say good riddance. Who needs figurines when you have pickleball paddles?

Triage Between Industries? I Call Dibs on Cheesy Poofs

Some so called expert Cameron Johnson says there might be a competition for oil related products. He says if this goes on into May there'll be triage. Triage you guys. That means some industries get the oil and some don't. He thinks cars and medicine will be first in line. What about Cheesy Poofs? Those are essential. I'm calling dibs.

High Oil Prices are Squeezing Ordinary People? Good

Wei the pickleball paddle guy is worried about people not having enough money to buy his stuff because of gas prices. He says ordinary people are getting squeezed. Good. More for me then. Their spending power isn't what it used to be? Whose fault is that? Probably Kyle's.