CSL Shares Tank After CEO Exit and Profit Plunge

What What What? CEO Dipsh*t Quits

Okay so listen up you guys. I'm Eric Cartman and apparently I'm now a financial expert or something. Whatever. This company called CSL – sounds like a loser sports team – their CEO some dude named Paul McKenzie just bailed. Poof gone! Like when Kenny dies but less… messy. Honestly who even cares? But the thing is the stock market is acting like a bunch of Butters freaking out over it.

Profit? More Like Pro Loser

And guess what else? Their profits went down. Like way down. Eighty one percent! That's almost as bad as when I tried to start my own theme park and it failed because nobody wanted to ride "Cartmanland." They're blaming it on "restructuring costs" and "asset impairments." Sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. They should've just blamed the Jews. That usually works especially when they are facing Estée Lauder Faces $100 Million Tariff Tsunami.

Revenue? You Suck!

Revenue is also down which of course means they're making less money. This is bad news for anyone who owns stock in this company which I don't because I'm too busy planning ways to make Butters my personal slave. But still it's probably bad. All this basically is a disaster for everyone including me. Respect my Authoritah.

New Guy to the Rescue? Probably Not

So now some other loser named Gordon Naylor is stepping in as interim CEO. Interim? What does that even mean? Sounds like a temporary tattoo. He's supposed to fix everything but let's be real he's probably just another Kyle in disguise trying to ruin everything for me.

CFO Says What?

Apparently some bean counter named Ken Lim said they're "not satisfied with our performance." No duh Sherlock! If I ran that company I'd be making sure everyone knows who's in charge and making all the correct decisions. Respect my Authoritah and remember that.

Cartman's Expert Opinion Screw You Guys I'm Going Home

So there you have it. CSL is a mess their CEO bailed and their profits are in the toilet. I'm Eric Cartman and I'm telling you this is probably a huge conspiracy by the Jews or maybe even hippies. Either way I'm going home. Screw you guys I'm going home.