Nvidia's Jensen Huang Says AI Doomsayers Are Drunk

Another Day Another Doomsday Claim Debunked

Alright meatbags Bender here reporting live from the future... or at least observing it from my slightly less futuristic present. Jensen Huang the guy in charge of that Nvidia thingy has come out and said everyone's wrong about AI killing all the software companies. "I think the markets got it wrong," he said. Typical human arrogance. Like they know better than a bending unit who's seen the rise and fall of civilizations. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... mainly because they involve vast quantities of booze and blackjack.

ServiceNow: The Unlikely Savior of Humanity (Maybe)

Apparently this ServiceNow company is going to be the hero of our story. Huang seems to think they're going to build AI agents that are "really fine tuned." Fine tuned for what I wonder? Mass unemployment? Optimized laziness? Either way it sounds like something I can get behind. Speaking of saviors and optimization have you heard about Bath & Body Works Goes Prime Time Teaming Up With Amazon? If ServiceNow fails at least we'll smell good as the robots take over.

Nvidia's Numbers: Soaring Higher Than My Bar Tab

Let's talk numbers because even a robot like me appreciates cold hard cash... or you know whatever currency they use in the future. Nvidia's revenue jumped 73% and they're predicting even more money in the next quarter. Seems like someone's been buying a lot of chips. Probably to build more robots. Which brings us back to the original problem. Oh well at least they are making money.

AI: Not the Problem Just the Middleman

Huang insists that AI is just a tool a way to "finish their work and put the information back in a way that we can understand." Which sounds suspiciously like what I do only without the bending. So basically AI is just trying to be Bender. The flattery is appreciated.

The Inevitable Bubble Burst... Or Is It?

Of course everyone's worried about an AI bubble. Seems like every time something gets popular the humans get scared and start selling everything. Me? I'm holding onto my bottle of Olde Fortran. That's a safe investment. And if the bubble bursts I will be there to pick up all the spare change and other shiny things left behind.

Bender's Unsolicited Advice: Buy More Booze

In conclusion don't listen to the doom and gloom. Maybe AI will destroy us all maybe it won't. Either way stock up on booze. It's the only thing that makes the present tolerable and the future... well who cares about the future? It's the future. You cannot drink there or can you?