Coca-Cola's Earnings Report Will James Quincey Finish Strong

Quahog's Favorite Beverage Giant Gears Up

Alright folks Peter Griffin here your resident expert on all things... well everything really. Turns out Coca Cola yeah the stuff that makes my burps extra bubbly is about to drop their fourth quarter earnings. Apparently some fancy Wall Street fellas are expecting them to rake in about 56 cents per share and a whopping $12.03 billion in revenue. That's enough to buy a whole lotta chicken fights I tell you what.

The Low Income Blues It Ain't All Fun and Games

Now here's where it gets a bit serious like when Lois finds out I spent our life savings on a giant inflatable beer bottle. Seems like those of us watching our pennies or in my case trying to find pennies under the couch cushions are cutting back on the sugary goodness. But fear not because Coca Cola's got some tricks up their sleeve. Speaking of tricks ever heard about Issa Rae's Genius Goal Setting Strategy Revealed? Maybe Coca Cola needs to take a page from that book to keep their numbers up. Those fancy schmancy brands like Fairlife and Smartwater are still selling like hotcakes proving that some folks still like to pay extra for the good stuff. Like when I bought that solid gold toilet. Pure class.

Farewell James Quincey It's Been Real

And here's the kicker James Quincey the big cheese at Coca Cola is stepping down as CEO. It's his last earnings report before he hands the reins to Henrique Braun. Quincey will still hang around as executive chair probably sipping Coke and telling everyone how things *used* to be. Kinda like me at a high school reunion. But hey at least Coca Cola's stock is doing alright up about 22% in the last year. That's enough to buy a lot of Adam West memorabilia.

The Fairlife Phenomenon Milking the Market

Let's talk about Fairlife for a second. Who knew fancy milk could be such a hit? It's like when I tried to sell my own brand of flavored milk called 'Peter's Potion'. Let's just say it didn't go well. But Fairlife is clearly doing something right proving that even in tough times people are willing to shell out for quality. Or at least what they *think* is quality. Remember that time I tried to pass off expired milk as 'vintage'? Yeah Lois wasn't thrilled.

Smartwater Success Staying Hydrated in Style

And then there's Smartwater. Bottled water but make it bougie. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel fancy just holding it. Even though it's probably just regular water that went to Harvard. But hey if people are buying it Coca Cola's laughing all the way to the bank. I wonder if they'll ever make a Dumbwater version for guys like me. It would probably just be tap water with a picture of my face on it.

The Future of Fizz It's All About the Benjamins

So what does this all mean? Well for one Coca Cola's still a massive player in the beverage game. They're adapting to changing consumer habits and even though some of us are cutting back they've got enough high end stuff to keep the money rolling in. Plus a new CEO at the helm could mean some fresh ideas. Just hopefully none of those ideas involve replacing Coke with kale smoothies. Because then I'm out.