El Paso Airport Grounded Then Cleared Was It Cartel Drones or Bureaucratic Blunder

One Eyed Take on Texas Tumbleweeds and Takeoffs

Alright folks Leela here your favorite cyclops reporter from Planet Express reporting live from… well not El Paso. I’m stuck here waiting for Fry to figure out how to work the Professor's latest invention (again). But word on the street (or space internet) is the FAA threw a cosmic hissy fit and grounded all flights in and out of El Paso faster than you can say "Shut up and take my money." Apparently it was all due to "special security" instructions. Now I’ve seen some weird stuff in my time including Nixon's head in a jar but this smells fishier than a Nibblonian poop break.

Cartel Drones The New Paper Airplane?

So here's the deal according to some suit from the old Trump administration the Department of Defense zapped some Mexican cartel drones outta the sky. Seriously? Drones? I mean I've fought robots bigger than Bender and these guys are worried about drones? It's like saying the Professor is worried about running out of hair tonic. Makes about as much sense. Anyway they claim these drones were buzzing around violating US airspace. Now before you start picturing little sombreros and tiny tequila bottles strapped to these things I'm gonna remain skeptical. If they are concerned with security on the other hand maybe China's Farm to Table Revolution Beats American Applesauce would be a more pressing security concern. This whole situation smells like someone wanted to push a button and say they "saved the day" just like Zapp Brannigan's useless wars and fake security theater.

FAA Flub or a Real Flying Flap?

The FAA in a move that surprised absolutely nobody has issued an update to say that "there is no threat to commercial aviation" and all flights are back to normal. Of course. No explanation no apology just "whoops our bad." Sounds about right. This is the same agency that probably still uses dial up internet. You know back in the day when I was a Sewer Mutant at least the sewers were transparent. This is just a whole new level of opaque. I swear if I had two eyes I'd be rolling them both right now.

Mayors Congress and Lots of Finger Pointing

Naturally everyone's upset. El Paso Mayor Renard Johnson called it a "major and unnecessary disruption" and demanded better communication. Meanwhile some Congress critters are whining about how "unacceptable" it all is. Look I get it. Nobody likes being inconvenienced especially when it involves airplanes. But all this hot air could power a fleet of Planet Express ships. Maybe instead of complaining they could focus on figuring out what *really* happened. After all there's something amiss with the level of secrecy around the whole operation that just isn't right.

Southwest and United Scramble Like Scruffy's Laundry

The airlines bless their corporate little hearts are trying to smooth things over. Southwest and United are telling everyone to check their websites for updates. Because apparently a cryptic message on a website is more comforting than a straight answer from the government. If you listen carefully you can hear the gentle sobbing of travel agents everywhere. It's all very "good news everyone" but in reality it's all hot garbage. And what I hate most about garbage? It's garbage!

Leela's Lessons: Don't Trust Robots and Maybe Not the FAA

Bottom line? This whole El Paso incident smells like a cover up a screw up or maybe a little of both. Either way it's a reminder that even in the 31st century you can't always trust the authorities. Especially when they're dealing with robots aliens or… Mexican cartel drones. Just remember what I always say: "Always be wary of robots bearing gifts and keep an eye on the sky just in case there's a rogue drone delivering tacos." Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find Fry before he accidentally opens a wormhole to the Jurassic period. Stay vigilant meatbags.