D'oh No Real ID Means Dough for TSA

Ay Caramba A New Fee is Born

Well gather 'round fellow travelers because Homer Simpson here is about to drop some truth bombs seasoned with a sprinkle of donut crumbs of course. Starting February 1st if you stroll up to airport security without your fancy Real ID or some other approved doohickey Uncle Sam is gonna hit you with a $45 fee. Forty five clams I could use on Duff beer and a giant donut. According to some fancy pants named John Breyault from the National Consumers League – sounds important I guess – "That's not nothing." He's right it's about three six packs worth of happiness I'm being deprived of here.

Real ID Real Problems

This Real ID thingy is like a super charged driver's license meant to stop the bad guys from using fake IDs. Apparently to board a domestic flight or enter those scary nuclear power plants (where I briefly worked remember?) you'll need one by May 7 2025. But now the TSA is jumping the gun with this fee. Sally French a travel guru from NerdWallet (who knew nerds could be gurus?) calls it a "real penalty for travelers who arrive unprepared." It's like getting fined for forgetting my lucky bowling shirt. Speaking of wild rides and financial penalties this reminds me of Wall Street's Wild Ride: Tech Turbulence and AI's Insatiable Appetite where fortunes can be made and lost faster than I can say 'mmm donuts'.

Ten Days of Terror (or Travel)

Here's the kicker this ConfirmID thingy you pay for is only good for ten days. So if you're going on a long vacation like to… uh… wherever people go for long vacations that aren't Springfield you might have to pay twice. That's $90 gone just like that. Breyault guy again "If you go to Honolulu for two weeks you may have to pay on the way back too." Honolulu sounds expensive enough already without this TSA nonsense.

Delays Missed Flights and Doh'nuts

The TSA suggests you pay this fee online beforehand at tsa.gov/ConfirmID. Otherwise you might get stuck in line miss your flight and then where will you be? Probably at Moe's drowning your sorrows in a Flaming Moe which ironically might get you flagged by security anyway. They say the process can take up to 30 minutes which is half an episode of Itchy & Scratchy I'll be missing out on.

The Poor Get Poorer (and the Rich Get Real IDs)

Congress passed this Real ID Act way back in '05 after something bad happened. Makes sense I guess but Breyault says this hits the poor folks the hardest. A family of four could be out over $200 just to fly. That's a lot of money especially when you could use it to buy… you guessed it… donuts. TSA doesn't require kids under 18 to have IDs but let's be honest Bart's probably got more fake IDs than Krusty the Clown has bad habits.

A Star is Born (on Your ID)

So Breyault's advice is simple Get a Real ID which costs $35 in New Jersey. The TSA figures they'll rake in about $476 million from this fee over the next five years. Adam Stahl some big shot at the TSA says the fee will make sure "non compliant travelers not taxpayers cover the cost." They initially thought the fee would be $18 but oops they changed their minds. Sounds like someone didn't do their math right maybe they need my help I'm great at counting sprinkles.