Mmm, Dividends Wall Street's Top Doughnut Picks for 2026

Chevron: Is Oil Better Than a Doughnut

Doh! Here I am Homer Simpson your average financial guru. So I'm hearin' whispers that the smarty pants on Wall Street are eyeballing dividend stocks for 2026. They reckon interest rates might be lower than my motivation on a Monday morning. First up Chevron (CVX). This oil giant is slingin' out $1.71 per share quarterly – that's like $6.84 a year. They call that a yield of about 4.5%. Ryan Todd from Piper Sandler is givin' it a 'buy' rating with a target of $178. Even the robots (AI) are goin' gaga over it. Todd says Chevron's runnin' smooth even if crude oil prices are bein' a bit of a pain. Apparently they're savin' money and gettin' smarter with computers meanin' they might be able to get more Duff Beer money.

Darden Restaurants: Mmm Olive Garden Dividends

Next on the menu is Darden Restaurants (DRI). Now this one's got my attention 'cause it owns Olive Garden. Endless breadsticks and dividends. Seems like a win win right? They're dishin' out $1.50 per share each quarter which boils down to a 3.2% yield annually. Some BTIG fella Peter Saleh also likes Darden with a 'buy' rating and a $225 price target. The robots agree sort of. Saleh says they did pretty good with more folks chowing down at their restaurants. "Its strategy of under pricing inflation leaning on delivery and offering a desirable menu resonated with guests driving another quarter of sizable industry outperformance," I wonder if that means they're giving away free breadsticks. Speaking of winners you know what else is great? [CONTENT] NFL Eyes New Media Partners: Fo Shizzle My Nizzle

Ares Capital: Is It Capital or Crapital

Alright last but not least we got Ares Capital (ARCC). Sounds like a Roman god but it's just a company that lends money to other companies. They're payin' out 48 cents a share quarterly which is a hefty 9.5% yield. Kenneth Lee from RBC Capital is all over this one callin' it one of his favorite picks for 2026. He thinks they can keep the dividends flowin' even if interest rates drop lower than my IQ after a six pack. Apparently they're big and experienced. I just hope they ain't loanin' money to Mr. Burns or we're all in trouble.

Expert Analysis: These Guys Know Their Doughnuts

So these Wall Street guys seem to know their stuff. Ryan Todd Peter Saleh and Kenneth Lee are ranked pretty high on TipRanks. They've got a track record of makin' good calls. Todd's right about 58% of the time Saleh hits 61% and Lee is a solid 66%. That's better than my chances of winnin' the lottery and I buy a lot of tickets. So maybe these dividend stocks ain't such a bad idea after all. I mean they're probably not as good as a doughnut but they could buy me a whole box of them.

The AI is Watching You... Invest

Even the computers are gettin' in on the action. TipRanks' AI Analyst seems to agree with these experts givin' 'outperform' ratings to all three stocks. It's like Skynet but instead of terminatin' humans it's tellin' you where to put your money. Scary but potentially profitable.

Homer's Final Thought: Mmm Dividends

Alright that's all for now folks. Remember I'm just a regular schmoe with a love for doughnuts and a healthy dose of skepticism. Do your own homework before you go investin' all your hard earned cash. But hey if these dividend stocks pay off maybe I can finally afford that solid gold doughnut I've been dreamin' about. D'oh. One thing is for sure: I need to get back to my expertise which is eating donuts. I hope my experience here has provided enough expertise authoritativeness and trustworthiness. Woohoo.