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Showing 21 to 30 of 483 news articles

Professor Farnsworth reports on AQR Capital Management's surprisingly successful first half of 2025, proving that even in the future, money remains a perplexing mystery. image

Good News Everyone! Hedge Funds Beat the Market (But I Still Don't Understand Them)

Tue 01 July, 2025 15:09
3 minutes to read

A whirlwind tour of today's market fluctuations, from diabetes tech taking a hit to casino stocks rolling in the dough, all viewed through the lens of a bewildered genius. image

E=MC Hammered? Market Movers Shaken, Not Stirred! (An Einsteinian Analysis)

Tue 01 July, 2025 16:08
3 minutes to read

From Musk's subsidies to flying taxis in Dubai, a satirical look at today's pre-market movers and shakers, seen through the eyes of yours truly, Bill Gates. image

Trump's Tesla Tweetstorm, Flying Taxis, and Salad Wars: My Take on Today's Market Mayhem

Tue 01 July, 2025 12:20
3 minutes to read

Fed Chair Jerome Powell talks global economy and interest rates in Portugal, leaving me wondering if I need to adjust my Birkin budget. image

Jerome Powell Speaks! Is He Messing With My Money Moves?

Tue 01 July, 2025 13:21
2 minutes to read

Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell acknowledges Trump's tariffs inflated US inflation, potentially delaying monetary easing. Will the Fed finally cut rates, or are we stuck in orbit? image

Powell Admits Trump Tariffs Sent Inflation to Orbit Mars! Is a Rate Cut Launch Imminent?

Tue 01 July, 2025 14:22
3 minutes to read

Mario dives into the latest stock market news, from Moderna's super vaccine to Disney's magic kingdom resurgence, with a dash of Mushroom Kingdom flavor! image

It's-a Me, Mario! Reporting on Wall Street Shenanigans and Mushroom Kingdom Investments!

Mon 30 June, 2025 14:10
2 minutes to read

Hong Kong's looser regulations are letting China experiment with crypto, leading to some wild stock surges. Could this be a 'suffering succotash' moment for digital finance? image

Eh, What's Up, Doc? China's Crypto Curiosity in Hong Kong!

Sun 29 June, 2025 11:16
2 minutes to read

Nike's quarterly results are better than expected, Uber attempts to acquire Pony.ai, and a few other companies are doing things, too. Oh, bother. image

Victory is Mine! Nike Soars While Uber Plots World Domination (Again!)

Fri 27 June, 2025 15:31
2 minutes to read

Old dude Ron Baron is obsessed with Elon Musk and SpaceX, planning to hold onto that sweet space cash forever. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Going to Space (With My Billions!)

Fri 27 June, 2025 15:27
2 minutes to read

Nike's rollercoaster, gold's slip, crypto's tumble, and other stock market movements from a hunter's perspective. It seems there is always someone worth hunting in the concrete jungle. image

If It Bleeds, It Leads: Nike Slashes Profits, Gold Gets Gutted, and Crypto Crashes - A Predator's Market Report

Fri 27 June, 2025 16:30
3 minutes to read