Eat My Shorts Robotaxis Banned in New York

Hochul Says 'Don't Have a Cow' to Robotaxis

Alright dudes and dudettes your favorite underachiever and proud graduate of Krabappel Elementary (barely) Bart Simpson reporting live (sort of) from Springfield… or well about New York. Turns out Gov. Kathy Hochul just told those fancy pants robotaxis to eat her shorts. She pulled the plug on letting 'em cruise around like Alphabet's Waymo offering rides without a human behind the wheel. I guess she figured out it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops with those metal monstrosities. "Based on conversations with stakeholders including the legislature it was clear that the support was not there to advance this proposal," some spokesperson named Sean Butler said. Probably a Milhouse in disguise.

Waymo's New York Dreams Go Up in Smoke

Waymo the company behind the robotaxis is bummed naturally. They had big plans to hit up New York but now they're stuck testing only in NYC with a human at the wheel. Which kinda defeats the whole 'robot' part if you ask me. They're still saying they'll "work with the State Legislature," but well good luck with that. Especially with potential rivals like Tesla and Amazon owned Zoox nipping at their heels testing their own systems. Speaking of takeovers are you familiar with the Paramount Skydance vs Netflix A Giggity Goo Takeover Tussle for Warner Bros. Discovery? Well that article dives deep into the wild world of corporate power plays and it makes you think if Waymo's New York setback is just the beginning of a bigger trend? Is it all gonna be shut down by these corporate rivalries? Time will tell.

Taxi Drivers Throw a Parade (Without Fare Meters)

The Taxi Workers Alliance led by Bhairavi Desai is doing the happy dance. They represent a whole mess of cabbies Uber drivers and Lyft jockeys and they were totally against the robot invasion. Desai said Waymo was trying to "divide and conquer" them but as usual the "billionaire tech bosses underestimated workers at their own peril." Sounds like something Mr. Burns would say doesn't it? Excellent...

Safety First or Job Security What's the Deal?

The official reason for the ban? Concerns about safety and job losses. I mean sure a robot can't get distracted by Lisa's saxophone solos on the radio but can it handle a runaway shopping cart or a surprise Sideshow Bob appearance? And what about all those taxi drivers? Are they gonna end up flipping burgers at Krusty Burger? Nobody wants that… except maybe Krusty.

Waymo's Troubles Pile Up Like Duff Beer Cans

To make matters worse for Waymo they've had some recent incidents. One of their cars get this hit a kid near an elementary school. D’oh. The guv'ment is now investigating. Another Waymo vehicle was caught speeding near Dodger Stadium. Talk about a Homer Simpson moment! Not good man not good.

So What's Next Dudes?

So for now New York is robotaxi free. Waymo is licking its wounds and plotting its next move. The taxi drivers are celebrating. And I'm here wondering if I can rig up my skateboard with a self driving motor. Now that's something I'd pay to see. Heh heh.