Turanga Leela - NewsRetold Latest News

Light
Dark

Showing 1 to 10 of 85 news articles

Some Earthican company called Capture6 is doing something about water shortages and carbon in the air, and they're not even from Mars! Finally, something good on this stupid planet! image

Holy Mother of Pearl! Earth Startup Turns Water Waste into Liquid Assets and Sucks Up Air Pollution

Wed 04 June, 2025 17:59
3 minutes to read

Germany's new Chancellor Merz is off to Washington to chat with President Trump about Ukraine, trade wars, and probably the best way to grill a Bratwurst. Let's hope he doesn't offer Trump any Brain Slugs! image

Merz Meets Trump: Will Diplomacy Save Us From Tariff Armageddon?

Sat 31 May, 2025 21:23
2 minutes to read

Even though Elon Musk is busy trying to get Trump re-elected and alienating everyone else, Tesla's sales in Norway somehow skyrocketed, probably because Norwegians love a good deal and bus lanes. image

Holy Motherboard! Tesla Sales Surge in Norway Despite Musk's Space Cadet Shenanigans!

Mon 02 June, 2025 14:48
2 minutes to read

Cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike's stock takes a dive after disappointing revenue forecasts, proving even in the future, predicting the market is harder than understanding Zoidberg's dating life. image

Holy Motherboard! CrowdStrike Stock Does the Bender – Slumps Harder Than a Robot at a Limbo Contest!

Wed 04 June, 2025 14:15
3 minutes to read

A wild ride on Wall Street: AI companies surge, Musk escapes government work, and tariffs cause turbulence. image

Good News Everyone! Stocks Soar, Dive, and Fly Like Bender After Too Much Booze!

Thu 29 May, 2025 18:14
3 minutes to read

Leela reports on the brewing trade tensions between the U.S. and China, where manufacturing and self-reliance are the main courses, and everyone's invited to the economic barbeque. image

Good News, Everyone! Trump vs. Xi: A Trade War Cookout!

Thu 29 May, 2025 01:25
3 minutes to read

Vice President JD Vance champions Trump administration's pro-crypto agenda at Bitcoin 2025, pushing for stablecoin legislation and riling up crypto enthusiasts. Sounds like a job for Planet Express! image

JD Vance Says Stablecoins Are A Force Multiplier?! Good News, Everyone!

Wed 28 May, 2025 18:18
3 minutes to read

Goldman Sachs throws a wrench in Booz Allen Hamilton's gears, predicting a financial faceplant worse than Zoidberg at a picnic! image

Good News, Everyone! Goldman Sachs Says Booz Allen Hamilton Stock is Going Down Like a Moray Eel!

Wed 28 May, 2025 10:27
3 minutes to read

Eli Lilly snags SiteOne Therapeutics for a cool billion, hoping to cook up some non-addictive pain relief and maybe, just maybe, save humanity from itself...again. image

Good News, Meatbags! Lilly Buys Pain Relief That Won't Turn You Into a Bender!

Tue 27 May, 2025 16:38
3 minutes to read

Industrial profits in China defy expectations, rising despite hefty US tariffs, leaving Leela wondering if Zapp Brannigan is in charge of trade policy. image

Sweet Zombie Jesus! China's Economy Still Kickin' Despite Trump's Tariff Tantrums

Tue 27 May, 2025 01:53
2 minutes to read