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Showing 21 to 30 of 134 news articles

Montgomery Burns reports on how recent geopolitical events are creating lucrative opportunities for his airline, while expressing disdain for safety concerns and stranded travelers. image

Excellent! Burns Air to Benefit from Middle East Flight Chaos!

Mon 23 June, 2025 02:09
2 minutes to read

President Trump's recent military strike on Iran contradicts his earlier promises of peace and non-intervention, raising questions about his legacy and future foreign policy. image

Release the Hounds! Trump Unleashes Fury on Iran, Breaks Promises Faster Than Smithers Breaks a Leg

Sun 22 June, 2025 02:44
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns reports on the FDA's new voucher plan to accelerate drug reviews and Headspace's foray into direct-to-consumer mental health services, all while eyeing potential profits and mischievous opportunities. image

Excellent! FDA Fast-Tracks Drug Approvals, Headspace Hogs Mental Health Market!

Fri 20 June, 2025 16:04
3 minutes to read

A delightful turn of events as geopolitical tensions in Iran lead to a satisfying surge in oil prices, promising increased profits for yours truly. image

Excellent! Escalating Oil Prices Spark Joy in My Plutocratic Heart!

Thu 19 June, 2025 19:51
2 minutes to read

That dreadful Buss family has finally relinquished control of the Lakers to a man of considerable, albeit slightly less than mine, wealth. A victory for capitalism, I say! image

Excellent! Lakers Sold to Someone Richer Than I Am... Almost!

Wed 18 June, 2025 22:13
3 minutes to read

The Los Angeles Lakers are no longer primarily owned by the Buss family as Mark Walter takes the reins, much to my amusement and slight intrigue. Finally, someone with resources! image

Excellent! Lakers Sold to a Man Who Understands the Value of...Winning?

Wed 18 June, 2025 22:13
2 minutes to read

A critical analysis of recent economic data revealing a potential downturn, viewed through the discerning eyes of one Charles Montgomery Burns, esq. image

Excellent! The Economy's Miserable Trajectory Towards Utter Ruin... For Others!

Wed 18 June, 2025 13:18
2 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns reports on Tesla's recent production halt, robotaxi controversies, and the audacity of public safety advocates, all while yearning for the simpler days of steam power. image

Excellent! Tesla's Production Pause: A Temporary Hiccup or the End of Days?

Tue 17 June, 2025 20:04
2 minutes to read

Retail sales plummet in May, proving once again that the common man is an utter disappointment and those tariffs are a nuisance. image

Excellent... Retail Apocalypse! Smithers, Release the Hounds!

Tue 17 June, 2025 13:26
3 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns shares his insights on defensive dividend stocks, highlighting Microsoft, Eli Lilly, Philip Morris, NextEra Energy, and Eaton as promising investments for weathering market volatility and lining my pockets handsomely. image

Excellent! Burns' Defensive Dividend Stock Picks To Leave You Saying "Release The Hounds!"

Mon 16 June, 2025 19:12
2 minutes to read