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Showing 11 to 20 of 25 news articles

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm reporting on Morgan Stanley's killer first quarter, proving once again that rich people get richer while the rest of you are probably still playing World of Warcraft. image

Morgan Stanley Makes Bank While You Sit on Your Fat Ass!

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:02
3 minutes to read

A new survey reveals that Americans across all income levels are feeling the financial squeeze, with inflation, high interest rates, and economic uncertainty creating widespread anxiety and hardship. image

Screw You Guys Im Broke! The Vibecession is Real and Its Pissing Me Off!

Thu 10 April, 2025 17:57
3 minutes to read

UBS downgrades General Motors due to rising trade tensions and potential tariff impacts, leading to a lowered price target and an uncertain future for the automaker. image

General Motors is Screwed Bro! Tariffs are Gonna Make Them Cartmanland Unaffordable!

Thu 10 April, 2025 09:45
2 minutes to read

Cartman analyzes the battle between Elon Musk's Starlink and Amazon's Project Kuiper, filled with government deals, backstabbing, and potential favoritism. image

Screw You Guys I'm Launching My Own Satellites! Amazon vs Starlink Who Will Win?!

Wed 09 April, 2025 18:05
3 minutes to read

Europe's auto giants are feeling the pinch as Trump's tariffs on foreign cars and parts take effect, sending shockwaves through the global car industry. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Slapping Tariffs on Everyone! Trump's Car Wars Are Here!

Wed 09 April, 2025 09:44
3 minutes to read

According to Jim Cramer, Amazon could be America's secret weapon in the trade war against China, potentially refusing to stock Chinese goods to send a message. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Amazon Stock! Is Amazon the Secret Weapon Against China?

Tue 08 April, 2025 16:58
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on Trump's tariffs on Cambodia and why it's totally lame and won't bring jobs back to the US, but will totally screw over poor people and raise prices for Americans. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys I'm Slapping Tariffs On Cambodia?!

Tue 08 April, 2025 12:17
2 minutes to read

Eric Cartman reports on Trump's order for a new review of the U.S. Steel acquisition by Nippon Steel, after Biden blocked it, and U.S. Steel shares spiked 11%. image

Trump Just Screwed Biden's Stupid Steel Deal! Respect My Authoritah!

Mon 07 April, 2025 15:54
3 minutes to read

That stupid French accounting company, Pennylane, got even more money and is now planning to spread their garbage all over Europe. I am so jealous! image

Screw You Guys I'm Rich! Pennylane Doubled Its Worth Thanks To Euro Funding!

Sun 06 April, 2025 22:00
2 minutes to read

Silicon Valley's Trump-loving execs are crying like babies after his tariff plan backfires, causing a massive market drop and delayed IPOs. Respect my Authoritah! image

Screw You Guys! Trump's Tariffs Tank Tech Stocks and Everyone's Blaming ME!

Sat 05 April, 2025 12:00
2 minutes to read