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Showing 11 to 20 of 136 news articles

Apple is thinking about using AI from Anthropic or OpenAI for Siri because their own AI is, like, totally lame. This is BULLSH*T! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting My Own AI! Apple Considers Outsourcing Siri to Those Stupid Companies!

Tue 01 July, 2025 02:12
2 minutes to read

Home Depot is buying GMS for $4.3 billion, proving once again that the rich get richer and DIYers can suck it. image

Screw You Guys, Home Depot Gets All the Money! Acquisition Spree is Sweeter Than Mom's Chicken Pot Pie!

Mon 30 June, 2025 14:24
2 minutes to read

Cartman weighs in on the crazy world of finance, trade wars, and stupid politicians, because apparently, grown-ups are even dumber than Butters. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Predicting the Economy!

Sun 29 June, 2025 06:06
2 minutes to read

Old dude Ron Baron is obsessed with Elon Musk and SpaceX, planning to hold onto that sweet space cash forever. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Going to Space (With My Billions!)

Fri 27 June, 2025 15:27
2 minutes to read

China's industrial profits are tanking despite stimulus efforts, and frankly, I, Eric Cartman, am not surprised. Blame Canada! image

Screw You Guys, China's Profits are Taking a Dive! Respect My Authoritah!

Fri 27 June, 2025 01:51
2 minutes to read

Cartman weighs in on why America's stock market, despite underperforming, is still the least-crappy place to stash your cheddar. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in America! (Because It's Still Better Than Those Other Dumps)

Thu 26 June, 2025 16:10
3 minutes to read

The S&P 500 is acting like it's February again, ignoring tariffs, wars, and Trump's dumb tweets. Nvidia's making all the money, and I'm still waiting for my Kenny to die! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Back to February! S&P 500 Does a Time Warp!

Thu 26 June, 2025 01:36
2 minutes to read

Ulta Beauty's finance chief bails after a year, leaving the company scrambling for a new money guy. Did she see ManBearPig? image

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home...With Ulta's Money! CFO Quits!

Wed 25 June, 2025 15:21
2 minutes to read

FedEx claims they made more money and cut costs, but their stock went down anyway. Probably Kyle's fault. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting My Packages On Time (Maybe): FedEx Sorta Does Good, But Still Probably Sucks

Tue 24 June, 2025 22:18
2 minutes to read

That stupid TD Cowen analyst says Lyft is gonna be HUGE, and even though analysts are usually dumber than Kenny, I'm listening this time. FreeNow, Price Lock, Autonomous Vehicles? Sounds like a way to get richer than Mr. Krabs! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in Lyft (And You Should Too!)

Tue 24 June, 2025 11:53
2 minutes to read