Doh They Redacted the Wrong Parts of the Epstein Files

The Scandalous Redactions Doh

Well here's a headline that makes my brain hurt more than trying to understand taxes. Turns out some senators are hopping mad – angrier than me when I find out Marge used the last donut – at the Department of Justice. Apparently they're saying the DOJ botched the release of the Jeffrey Epstein files. You know Epstein the guy who makes even Lenny and Carl look like upstanding citizens. Mmm upstanding citizens...

Victims Exposed and Powerful Figures Protected Woohoo

These senators led by folks like Dick Durbin are claiming that the DOJ in their infinite wisdom – and I use that term VERY loosely like when I call myself an astronaut – managed to expose victims while keeping the big shots’ names hidden. "Doh" indeed. It's like that time I tried to fix the toaster and ended up electrocuting the cat. Bad very bad. And speaking of bad if you want to read more about covering up scandals you can check out this article: AI Robot Uprising Predicted: Are We All Doomed? because it's not like AI is going to cover up anything. Right? Right?!

The Epstein Files Transparency Act and Its Failures Ay Caramba

Now there’s something called the Epstein Files Transparency Act which sounds about as transparent as a brick wall signed into law by President…uh…the guy who used to tweet a lot. The idea was to release everything but the DOJ seems to have missed the memo. They blew past the deadline which is something I can relate to usually with my work. Mmm deadlines...

GAO to the Rescue Maybe

So these senators are calling in the big guns – the Government Accountability Office. They’re like the police but for paperwork. And hopefully they’ll figure out if the DOJ was just incompetent or if there was some kind of conspiracy afoot. Mmm conspiracies…tastes like donuts and intrigue.

Did the Release Cover Up Child Sexual Abuse Hmm

The letter specifically asks if the DOJ's actions served to cover up child sexual abuse. And if that's true the only thing I can say is "D'oh". It’s worse than the time I sold my soul for a donut. Much much worse.

A Horrific Scandal Needs Answers Homer's Verdict

The senators are calling it a horrific scandal where powerful men abused young women and children. I gotta say that's…uh…not good. And I Homer Simpson expert beer drinker and accidental nuclear technician agree with them. The truth needs to come out. And maybe just maybe we can all forget about this with a nice cold Duff beer. Mmm Duff...