Debt Consolidation Nation Americans Using Loans to Stay Afloat

Debt Consolidation Craze What's Happening

Alright listen up you guys. Cartman here reporting live from my mom's basement where the real news happens. Apparently a whole bunch of you fatasses are drowning in debt. I'm talking credit card debt loan debt probably even debt from buying too many cheesy poofs. And now you're all running to personal loans and balance transfers like they're some kind of magical solution. But guess what? It's a trap. Seriously you're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. "Respect my authoritah"

The Experts Weigh In (Whether We Like It or Not)

So some so called "expert" named Jim Triggs from Money Management International (sounds like a scam if you ask me) is saying that you can't just borrow your way out of debt. No freakin' duh. If you're still buying crap you don't need you're just going to end up even deeper in the hole. And another "expert," Rahkim Sabree is talking about "financial therapy" and removing the "shame" of debt. What a load of hippie crap. You should be ashamed of being broke. You know what else is shaking things up Trump's Iran Gambit Rattles China Ahead of High Stakes Summit? It's like if you don't take care of your money how are you supposed to be cool? And they are also pointing out it's essential to fully understand the emotional underpinnings connected to spending and it's more than just crunching the numbers.

The Numbers Don't Lie (Unless They're Lying)

Okay so here are some numbers to make your heads spin. Credit card balances are at a record high of $1.28 trillion. Trillion With a T. That's like enough money to buy a lifetime supply of cheesy poofs for everyone in South Park. And get this personal loan rates are around 12% while credit cards are at almost 20%. So yeah you might save a little money by consolidating but if you don't stop buying crap you're screwed. "Screw you guys I'm going home"

A Real Life Loser's Story

There's this poor sap named Demetrius Thrasher a Navy veteran who's been refinancing personal loans like it's his job. He's got a 19% interest rate which is just insane. He's basically admitted he's overextended. You know what that means? He's gonna be working at City Wok for the rest of his life and he will always be working for a Mongolians. He has no authoritah and will serve me chicken balls forever. It's a never ending cycle he says. Well duh. That's what happens when you're not cool. Also the debt cycle is the basis of our monetary system.

The Cartman Solution (It's Brilliant Obviously)

Alright here's my advice and you better listen up because I'm the smartest person in this town. First stop being poor. Second stop buying useless crap. Third start a pyramid scheme… I mean a legitimate business opportunity. And finally if all else fails blame the Jews. It always works for me. And remember "I'm not fat I'm big boned"

The So Called Experts' Real Solution

Fine fine here's the boring advice the so called experts gave: Understand the emotional stuff that drives debt and make sure you choose a strategy you can stick with it. And if you need some support reach out to a nonprofit debt consolidation specialist who will rip you off much less than a for profit debt management specialist. And their key advice: "Consumers should take a moment look at the full picture and choose a solution that builds long term stability not just short term relief," Triggs said.