Trump Launches Project Vault to Secure Critical Minerals

Another Fine Mess: Trump's Mineral Stockpile

Alright folks Leela here reporting live from the year 3024—wait no I'm stuck in the past again. Seems like even back in 2024 things are as crazy as a Bender bender. This Trump guy—remember him?—he announced this thing called 'Project Vault.' Sounds like something Dr. Farnsworth would cook up in his lab doesn't it? He wants to stockpile critical minerals.

China Syndrome Earth Edition

The big idea is to get America off China's back when it comes to stuff like what goes into electric cars and doomsday devices—I mean defense systems. Apparently we're too reliant on them for these materials. And you know what I always say: 'Wup wup wup!' (That’s my subtle way of agreeing…sometimes). If you are interested in more reading on this type of topics check out this article Lutnick Faces Calls to Resign Amid Epstein Revelations A Jumpman's Perspective.

Money Money Money… Ooh ooh ooh

So how's he planning to do this? With a boatload of cash naturally. We're talking about $1.67 billion from private investors plus a $10 billion loan from the U.S. Export Import Bank. That's enough to make even Bender blush and start fantasizing about bending girders made of pure platinum. Remember money makes the world go round… and also buys you the minerals to build a decent ray gun.

Mining Moguls Rejoice

Predictably the mining companies are doing the cha cha. MP Materials saw its stock jump. So did USA Rare Earth and Critical Metals Corp. Basically anyone who digs stuff out of the ground is suddenly feeling pretty good. Which let’s be honest is probably how they always feel.

Talks and Deals: More Exciting Than Watching Paint Dry

USA Rare Earth has already been schmoozing with the Commerce Secretary yakking about their mines and magnet assets. Sounds like they might snag $1.6 billion give or take and the government might even get a piece of the action. All this wheeling and dealing makes me miss the simple days of delivering Slurm.

Washington Gets Its Hands Dirty

The government is getting more involved like when Fry tries to cook. They made a deal with MP Materials last summer buying minerals and magnets and even taking an equity stake. So the next time you need a rare earth mineral maybe call your congressman. Just kidding. Don’t do that. 'Use your brain' as I always say.