Elon Musk's Emails with Epstein Revealed in Newly Released Documents

Holy Crap Lois It's Elon Musk and Epstein

Alright so you won't BELIEVE this Lois. Apparently those Epstein files everyone's been squawking about? Turns out Elon Musk the guy who's either saving the planet or sending us all to Mars (still not sure which like whether the chicken or the egg came first) is in them! Not in like a *bad* way necessarily but there are e mails. And you know what they say about e mails they're like farts once they escape into the world there's no way to take them back.

Emails? He Sent Emails?

Yep. Fancy emails too apparently. Back in 2012 and 2013 Musk and Epstein were swapping messages like baseball cards. They talked about meeting up at Epstein's special island and even at Musk's place in California. Now Musk says he never went to the island but these emails? They're about as subtle as Petercopter trying to land in your living room. Look sometimes in life you face a difficult job market and it can trigger memories of hardship so to counter that here is another article Bleak Job Market Echoes a Grim Distant Past.

A "Wildest Party" on the Island

The emails are pretty explicit in this regard. In one email Epstein offered Musk a helicopter to get to the island and Musk responded with asking what day or night would be the "wildest party". Lois I think we need to find out what exactly goes on on that island. It does sound like something I wouldn't mind checking out. I mean I once accidentally joined a cult that worshipped mayonnaise so I'm pretty open minded.

Denials and Dodging

Now Musk has been trying to play this whole thing down. He said he refused to go to the island. He even complained that Sky News mentioned him in the same breath as Epstein before Prince Andrew. But honestly Lois it reminds me of that time I tried to convince everyone that I was a superhero called 'The Cockroach'. Didn't exactly work out did it?

The Plot Thickens Like Gravy at Thanksgiving

And it gets weirder. Apparently the U.S. Virgin Islands subpoenaed Musk last year because they thought Epstein might have tried to refer him to JPMorgan Chase. And these new documents came out *after* people were complaining that the Department of Justice wasn't releasing everything fast enough. It's like that time I tried to build a time machine out of a microwave and ended up turning Brian into a toaster. Messy.

Solar Panels and Shady Islands

And the final act? Epstein was also apparently trying to get Musk's cousin who worked at SolarCity to put solar panels on his New Mexico ranch and his island. So you have Musk Epstein solar panels and a potentially very weird island party. This is straight up a *Family Guy* episode waiting to happen. I bet Quagmire is already booking a flight.