Trump Says Adios to Iran Troops Soonish

Eat My Shorts Iran: Trump's Troop Exit Strategy

Ay caramba. Bart Simpson here your favorite fourth grade investigative journalist. So The Man I mean President Trump says he's pulling the troops out of Iran in like two or three weeks. Two or three weeks people. That's faster than Milhouse can lose his glasses. He told reporters at the White House probably while eating a burger or something that "there's no reason for us to do this." No reason? Sounds like something Dad would say when he's too lazy to mow the lawn.

Victory Declared: Did We Win or Just Give Up

Apparently Trump's not too keen on making a deal either. He thinks we can just like declare victory and head home. It's like when I beat Martin Prince at Krusty's arcade game – I just walked away before he could challenge me to a rematch. Smart right? But seriously he's saying Iran doesn't need to make a deal because they're quote "much more accessible." Whatever that means. Maybe they finally installed Wi Fi? Speaking of deals it sounds a lot like the story of Novo and Hims Bury the Hatchet Family Style where everyone just decided to move on instead of fighting. Peace out or something.

Stone Age Promises and Nuclear No Nos

Trump also mentioned something about putting Iran into the Stone Ages so they can't get a nuclear weapon. The Stone Ages? I didn't know we had a time machine. Maybe Professor Frink is involved. He even said and I quote "It's irrelevant now." Irrelevant? That's harsh even for Mr. Burns. Apparently whether they make a deal or not we're leaving once they're good and... stone aged. Seems a bit extreme even for itchy and Scratchy.

They Want a Deal I Want a Donut

According to Trump Iran wants a deal more than he does. Which frankly I find hard to believe. I mean does he know how good donuts are? But he says things will be "finished" pretty soon. He then went on about how we're "totally unchecked" and "everything's been bombed out" in Iran. Sounds like someone's been playing too much Grand Theft Auto. I mean come on. It's like when Skinner and Chalmers go to war there's going to be a lot of explosions.

Missile Making Mayhem: A Night of Boom

And get this last night we apparently "knocked out tremendous amounts of missile making facilities." Tremendous amounts? Whoa. That's a lot of kablooey. I bet even Milhouse could see the explosions from his house. It kind of reminds me of when I accidentally blew up the school with fireworks except you know on a slightly larger scale. Doh I mean who knew?

Cowabunga or Cowa bummer

So there you have it folks. Trump's pulling out of Iran maybe declaring victory and possibly turning them into cavemen. Stay tuned for more updates and remember don't have a cow man. Or do I don't care. But keep your eyes peeled for that address to the nation; it’s gonna be a doozy.