Labor Department Rocked by Sexual Assault Allegations Against Secretary's Husband

This is the Way... to a Scandal

Well this is a fine mess. Word on the street – or rather the hyperspace comms – is that the Labor Department is knee deep in bantha poodoo. Seems the husband of the Secretary one Dr. Shawn DeRemer is accused of some… unsavory behavior. Two female staffers are claiming he got a little too handsy at the Department's HQ. This isn't just bar talk at the Mos Eisley cantina; there's a police report and an internal investigation. I have spoken.

Security Footage Doesn't Lie (Usually)

They say the camera never lies and apparently the security cams at the Labor Department caught something. One incident a hug that went on a tad too long or as one source put it "creepy". Makes you wonder what else they caught. I've seen things things you people wouldn't believe. But trust me a "creepy" hug is just the tip of the iceberg in this galaxy. Speaking of things you wouldn't believe have you heard about SoftBank's OpenAI Gamble Pays Off Giggity? Some gambles pay off others… well they lead to security footage reviews.

The Inspector General Has Entered the Chat

When the Inspector General comes knocking you know things have gone south faster than a malfunctioning hyperdrive. This internal watchdog is sniffing around trying to get to the bottom of things. They wouldn't confirm or deny an investigation when asked which in my experience means they're up to their elbows in it. Trust me I've dealt with my fair share of bureaucratic red tape; it's usually a sign of something rotten in the core.

No Comment? Classic.

Everyone's playing the "no comment" game. Dr. DeRemer the Labor Department the Police Department even the White House – all tighter than a Jawa's scrap metal stash. Silence speaks volumes and in this case it's screaming "damage control". You'd think someone would want to clear the air but maybe they're hoping it'll all just blow over like a sandstorm on Tatooine. Not likely.

A Security Detail and a Romantic Relationship?

And just when you think it couldn't get messier there's talk of a security detail and a romantic relationship. Seems a member of Secretary Chavez DeRemer's security detail was put on administrative leave pending an investigation. What this has to do with anything? Your guess is as good as mine. It's like finding a thermal detonator in your soup – completely unexpected and potentially explosive.

One Homeland One People One… Nazi Slogan?

To top it all off the Labor Department got themselves into a bit of a social media snafu. A post with the caption "One Homeland. One People. One Heritage. Remember who you are American" raised eyebrows faster than a Sarlacc pit digesting Boba Fett. People pointed out the similarities to a certain Nazi slogan. Either someone's got a serious case of tone deafness or they need a history lesson. Either way it's a bad look for the Department.