Doc Drops CBS Gig After Epstein Emails Explode Like a Powder Keg

Kaboom Goes the Career

Well hello there citizens of Piltover… and beyond. Jinx here reporting live from the chaos factory. Seems like some fancy doc named Peter Attia just bounced outta his gig at CBS News. Why you ask? Oh just a little thing called *emails* with that Epstein fella. You know the one who made boom boom disappear in jail. 'Rules are made to be broken!' or at least bent until they snap eh?

Emails Gone Wild

Apparently these emails were juicier than a Zz'Rot Portal. The DOJ in its infinite wisdom decided to share them with the world. And *poof* Attia's credibility went up in smoke faster than you can say 'Super Mega Death Rocket!' Attia claims he didn't do anything illegal but those emails? "Embarrassing tasteless and indefensible," he says. Sounds like someone needs a lesson in how to cover their tracks. Or maybe just you know *not* email shady people. You know who else are market movers? Read more about it in this article Market Movers Before the Bell Biotech Boom and Airline Blues. Now *that's* what I call a boom.

Blame Game Bonanza

Now Attia's trying to explain himself saying he met Epstein through some 'prominent female health leader' while raising funds for science. Always gotta pass the blame right? He admits he asked Epstein about his *prostitution related charges* (wow what an understatement) and claims he was *naive* to believe him. Honestly if you're hanging out with someone who's got a rap sheet longer than my rap sheet with the Piltovan guards maybe *you're* the problem.

The Weiss Connection

Here's where things get even messier. Attia was one of the new contributors brought in by this Weiss character. You know editor in chief Bari Weiss. Sounds like she has a nose for news or a nose for trouble. Either way it doesn't matter because "I'm crazy I got a doctors note".

No Island Getaways (allegedly)

Attia's been real quick to point out that he was *never* on Epstein's plane island or at any of his *sex parties*. I'm not sure if that makes things better or worse. He even admits to some *crude tasteless banter* in those emails but insists it wasn't a reference to anything *dark or harmful*. Sure doc. Tell me another one.

Lessons from the Mayhem

So what have we learned folks? First don't email shady people especially if you're a public figure. Second if you do make sure you use *powder keg* encryption. Just kidding. Third the rich and powerful always have secrets and sometimes those secrets go *boom*. As for Attia well I guess he learned the hard way. "Here comes Jinx!". Maybe he can find a new job testing rocket launchers. I hear that science pays well.