Chubb to Insure Strait of Hormuz Transits My Plan is Better

Mwah ha ha The Insurance Gambit

So Chubb is stepping up to insure ships through the Strait of Hormuz eh? A bold move but frankly rather pedestrian. It seems the U.S. International Development Finance Corporation (DFC) is coughing up $20 billion for this little venture. Twenty billion dollars. I could hold the world to ransom with that kind of money. But no they're using it for...insurance. Honestly sometimes I wonder if these world leaders have any imagination at all. They insure ships I demand ONE MILLION DOLLARS. See the difference

A Strait of Despair or Opportunity

This Strait of Hormuz situation is quite vexing for the global economy. Apparently 15 million barrels of oil and 5 million barrels of other oil products traverse this waterway daily. Now ship crews are getting cold feet fearing attacks. As usual governments and corporations are scrambling like headless chickens. The UK Maritime Trade Operations center reported three ships hit off Iran's coast. This is where my plan comes in to review the Global Tensions Flare A New Crisis Unfolds in the Middle East and use the chaos for my own benefit.

Chubb's Role A Mere Pawn

Chubb bless their cotton socks will be the focal point for all the ship and cargo information working with the DFC to facilitate this insurance. One anonymous DFC official admitted they don't have the actuaries or staff for such a task. Pathetic. They need Chubb to be their calculator. This reinsurance program will cover approximately $20 billion in damages on a rolling basis. But let's be honest insurance only goes so far when the ships are actually getting blown up. It's like putting a band aid on a shark bite.

Environmental Catastrophes My Specialty

Apparently there's concern about the environmental costs of oil spills. The DFC claims their coverage includes environmental damage baked within the hull and machinery product. But what about the psychological damage to the dolphins? The existential dread of the seagulls? Do they have insurance for THAT? No I didn't think so. This is why I need sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

Military Muscle My Preferred Solution

President "Donald Trump" that buffoon threatens to hit Iran "TWENTY TIMES HARDER". Such subtlety. He even mused about "taking over" the strait. The best solution of course would be to end the conflict but failing that the U.S. might provide military escorts. A political risk advisor Rachel Ziemba suggests physical and financial insurance should go hand in hand. She's almost on the right track. Hand in hand with world domination that is.

The Evil Masterplan Unveiled

So while Chubb and the DFC are busy with their insurance shenanigans I Doctor Evil will be implementing my own plan. A plan involving a giant laser a moon base and perhaps just perhaps those aforementioned sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. The world will be mine and they can all thank Chubb for keeping the ships afloat while I conquer everything. Mwah ha ha