EBay Slices 800 Jobs Embracing the Chaos of AI

The Purge Begins: 800 Walk the Plank

So EBay's decided to thin the herd eh? About 800 souls getting the boot. A mere 6% they say. Sounds like a well oiled machine doesn't it? "Align our structure with our strategic priorities," they chirp. It's always the same song and dance isn't it? "We are grateful for the contributions of the employees impacted and are committed to supporting them with care and respect." Yeah yeah tell that to the bank when they're asking for a mortgage payment. Why so serious you ask? Because someone has to be when the suits start wielding the axe.

Harassment Settlement: Paying for Past Sins

Ah but it gets juicier. Seems EBay was playing a little game of cat and mouse with some bloggers. Harassment stalking... a regular circus. Two executives even got a vacation in the slammer. And now a settlement. Of course they won't tell us the terms. It's all a big secret. "Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos." Maybe that's what EBay was going for? Now looking at the Warner Bros Discovery Drama Paramount Swoops In Netflix on the Ropes one can appreciate that there are other interesting examples of changes on the market. They better be careful or else they will end up on the same path as the previous leadership team.

AI to the Rescue: Or Is It?

But fear not dear shoppers and sellers for EBay has a shiny new toy: AI! Yes they're pouring money into artificial intelligence like it's going out of style. Internal tools buyer experiences seller experiences... all getting the AI treatment. Partnering with OpenAI no less. Because what could possibly go wrong? "Madness is like gravity all it takes is a little push." Maybe AI will save them maybe it'll just automate the chaos. Time will tell.

Depop Acquisition: Chasing the Youngsters

And here's a twist. They're buying Depop. For a cool $1.2 billion. Apparently they're trying to snag the under 34 crowd. Because let's face it the old folks are probably sticking to their porcelain dolls and stamps. Fashion is hot apparently. Who knew? "It's not about the money... it's about sending a message." And the message is clear: EBay wants to be hip. Good luck with that.

Focusing on What Matters: Or So They Say

Collectibles car parts refurbished goods... these are the categories that get EBay's motor running. Gross merchandise volume up 16%. Not bad. But is it enough to stave off the competition? Amazon Walmart Etsy TikTok Temu Shein... it's a jungle out there. "Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it." EBay better have a plan or they'll be roadkill.

The Final Act: Will EBay Survive?

So layoffs lawsuits AI acquisitions... EBay's throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. Will it work? Who knows? The market is a fickle beast. But one thing's for sure: it'll be entertaining to watch. "Why so serious?" Because in the end it's all just a game. And I for one am enjoying the show.