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Budget e-commerce giants Temu and Shein are dodging unfavorable U.S. trade policies and EU regulatory scrutiny by pivoting to Europe, but it might not be the Planet Express delivery they hoped for. image

Holy Bender! Shein and Temu Face the Wrath of the EU After U.S. Trade Policies Punch Them in the Gut!

Tue 10 June, 2025 07:40
3 minutes to read

Warner Bros. Discovery is splitting into two companies, leaving the fate of TNT Sports and its future streaming rights hanging in the balance. Is this the end of sports as we know it, or just another Tuesday in the 31st century? image

Holy Bender's Shiny Metal Assets! Warner Bros. Discovery Splits Up, Sports Rights Up For Grabs!

Mon 09 June, 2025 16:07
2 minutes to read

Consumer prices in China are taking a nosedive faster than Fry after 100 cups of coffee, but there's a glimmer of hope as trade talks with the U.S. resume. Will they pull the economy out of the toilet, or will it be another case of 'Doh!'? image

Good News Everyone! China's Economy Does the Limbo: How Low Can It Go?

Mon 09 June, 2025 02:16
3 minutes to read

Chipmaker Broadcom obliterates expectations with a 20% revenue surge, fueled by AI advancements and a stock split that's got investors doing the Macarena. Is this the future, or just a glitch in the matrix? image

Holy Motherboard! Broadcom's AI Chips Are Soaring Higher Than Bender's BAC!

Thu 05 June, 2025 23:00
3 minutes to read

After a surge in kidnappings targeting cryptocurrency bigwigs, one family is going to extreme lengths, including scattering their crypto keys across four continents, to protect their digital dough. image

Holy Chalupas! Crypto Execs Getting Zapped and Nabbed!

Sat 07 June, 2025 12:00
3 minutes to read

Some Earthican company called Capture6 is doing something about water shortages and carbon in the air, and they're not even from Mars! Finally, something good on this stupid planet! image

Holy Mother of Pearl! Earth Startup Turns Water Waste into Liquid Assets and Sucks Up Air Pollution

Wed 04 June, 2025 17:59
3 minutes to read

Germany's new Chancellor Merz is off to Washington to chat with President Trump about Ukraine, trade wars, and probably the best way to grill a Bratwurst. Let's hope he doesn't offer Trump any Brain Slugs! image

Merz Meets Trump: Will Diplomacy Save Us From Tariff Armageddon?

Sat 31 May, 2025 21:23
2 minutes to read

Even though Elon Musk is busy trying to get Trump re-elected and alienating everyone else, Tesla's sales in Norway somehow skyrocketed, probably because Norwegians love a good deal and bus lanes. image

Holy Motherboard! Tesla Sales Surge in Norway Despite Musk's Space Cadet Shenanigans!

Mon 02 June, 2025 14:48
2 minutes to read

Cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike's stock takes a dive after disappointing revenue forecasts, proving even in the future, predicting the market is harder than understanding Zoidberg's dating life. image

Holy Motherboard! CrowdStrike Stock Does the Bender – Slumps Harder Than a Robot at a Limbo Contest!

Wed 04 June, 2025 14:15
3 minutes to read

A wild ride on Wall Street: AI companies surge, Musk escapes government work, and tariffs cause turbulence. image

Good News Everyone! Stocks Soar, Dive, and Fly Like Bender After Too Much Booze!

Thu 29 May, 2025 18:14
3 minutes to read