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Showing 11 to 20 of 134 news articles

President Trump warns New York City mayoral candidates, particularly Zohran Mamdani, that federal funding could be at risk if they don't align with his policies. As if I don't do this every Tuesday! image

Release the Hounds! Trump Threatens to Defund New York Over Mayoral Candidate. Excellent!

Sun 29 June, 2025 16:44
2 minutes to read

California Governor Gavin Newsom seeks nearly $800 million in damages from Fox News, alleging defamation over claims about a phone call with former President Donald Trump. Smithers, prepare my checkbook... just kidding! image

Excellent! Newsom Sues Fox News for a Pittance of $787 Million!

Sat 28 June, 2025 00:03
2 minutes to read

Germany raises concerns about DeepSeek's data transfer practices, potentially leading to an EU-wide ban. A chance for Burns Industries to swoop in, I daresay! image

Excellent! DeepSeek's Data Debacle: A Golden Opportunity for Me, Eh, I Mean, Humanity!

Fri 27 June, 2025 12:07
2 minutes to read

JPMorgan's updated prediction model forecasts a significant stock market rise in the latter half of the year, driven by positive flows and economic momentum, indicating a lucrative period ahead for astute investors (like myself, naturally). image

Excellent! Smithers, Unleash the Bulls! Stock Market Set to Surge, Says JPMorgan Model

Thu 26 June, 2025 20:06
2 minutes to read

NATO's recent summit reveals a disturbing trend: World leaders finally acknowledging my genius and the necessity of exorbitant defense spending. And someone named Rutte is brown-nosing me? Preposterous! image

Excellent! NATO Bows to My Superior Intellect and Demands, Smithers!

Thu 26 June, 2025 09:02
2 minutes to read

A look at the day's market movers, from Bumble's brutal cuts to QuantumScape's electrifying surge, all filtered through the discerning eyes of C. Montgomery Burns. image

Excellent! Burns's Stock Report: Layoffs, Love, and Lithium!

Wed 25 June, 2025 17:01
2 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns reports on Meta's $10 billion data center in Louisiana, exploring the economic impact, tax breaks, and energy consumption, all while eyeing potential profits for Burns Energy. image

Excellent! Meta's Data Fortress Rises in Louisiana, Courtesy of Burns Energy!

Wed 25 June, 2025 12:08
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns analyzes how Trump's latest deal with Iran and China has sent oil prices plummeting, much to his delight. image

Excellent! Oil Prices Tumble Thanks to Trump's Iran Maneuver!

Tue 24 June, 2025 16:24
3 minutes to read

A Supreme Court ruling allows the Trump administration to resume deportations of certain immigrants, sparking outrage and dissent, while the Trump administration celebrates a victory for national security. Burns hails this as a great day for profit margins, er, America. image

Excellent! Supreme Court Lets Me Deport... I Mean, the Government, Deport Undesirables!

Mon 23 June, 2025 22:53
2 minutes to read

Former President Trump commands the oil industry to keep prices low, lest they incur his displeasure and inadvertently assist the enemy, following recent geopolitical tensions. image

Release the Hounds...of Oil! Trump Orders Price Control or Face My Wrath!

Mon 23 June, 2025 14:27
2 minutes to read