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UBS analysts suggest Best Buy's stock might keep climbing thanks to easing trade tensions. Just keep your pulse rifle handy, things could still get ugly. image

Best Buy Stock: Another Beautiful Day in the Corps... Or Is It?

Mon 19 May, 2025 14:01
2 minutes to read

Poland's presidential election could swing the nation towards or away from Europe, reminding me that sometimes the only way to be sure is to vote... or nuke it from orbit. image

Another Day, Another Xenomorph... I Mean, Election: Poland Chooses Its Fate!

Sun 18 May, 2025 06:15
2 minutes to read

Apple's payment systems hiccuped on Friday, leaving users stranded like I was in deep space with a Xenomorph. But hey, at least no one got facehugged... that we know of. image

Apple Pay Glitches? Just Another Day in Corporate Space, Man!

Fri 16 May, 2025 18:20
2 minutes to read

Senator Susan Collins and other Republicans are raising eyebrows at Trump's acceptance of a $400 million jet from Qatar, citing ethical, security, and possibly xenomorph-related concerns. image

Trump's Got a 'Palace in the Sky'? More Like a Trojan Horse!

Thu 15 May, 2025 19:49
2 minutes to read

Germany surprisingly backs Trump's call for NATO members to hike defense spending to 5% of GDP. Guess we're all gonna be space marines now? image

Trump's 5 Percent NATO Demand: More Like Five Xenomorphs!

Thu 15 May, 2025 10:07
3 minutes to read

Ripley reports on Netflix's ad-supported tier explosion, wondering if viewers are really paying attention or just waiting for the acid blood to spill. image

Netflix's Ad-pocalypse: 94 Million Suckers Can't Escape the Commercials!

Wed 14 May, 2025 18:53
3 minutes to read

After a profitable stint fueled by rising interest rates, fintech companies now confront the challenge of sustaining growth as rates decline, forcing them to diversify revenue streams to survive. image

Fintechs Face a New Kind of Alien: Falling Interest Rates

Tue 13 May, 2025 08:55
3 minutes to read

Ripley Reports on AMD's Massive Share Buyback, AI Deals, and Saudi Arabian Adventures image

AMD's Got the Stones! 10 Billion Reasons to Believe (or Run Screaming)

Wed 14 May, 2025 13:55
3 minutes to read

General Motors nabs another ex-Tesla exec, Sterling Anderson, to lead product development, sparking questions about their EV strategy and who's really running the show. image

GM Hires Tesla Defector Number 4: Are They Building Cars or Assembling a Resistance?

Mon 12 May, 2025 16:26
3 minutes to read

Trade tensions, tariff talks, and twitchy markets—just another week in the galaxy. Ripley breaks down the latest economic turbulence with a healthy dose of cynicism and Xenomorph-level sarcasm. image

Another Day, Another Trade War: Ripley's Report on Market Mayhem!

Sun 11 May, 2025 17:22
4 minutes to read