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According to the CBO, Trump's budget proposal adds trillions to the national debt, sparking criticism from within his own party. Sounds familiar... like LV-426 familiar. image

Trump's 'Big, Beautiful Bill' Turns Out to Be a Big, Ugly Xenomorph: Ripley's Debt Nightmare

Wed 04 June, 2025 16:10
2 minutes to read

Musk's Neuralink bags a hefty funding round to stick more wires in our heads. What could possibly go wrong? image

Neuralink's $650 Million Brain Boost: More Like a Headcrab Than Telepathy?

Mon 02 June, 2025 20:23
2 minutes to read

Distressed U.S. office market sees conversions and demolitions exceeding new construction, signaling a potential recovery amidst remote-work shifts and high vacancy rates. image

Office Apocalypse Averted? U.S. Office Market Gets a Face-Lift!

Mon 02 June, 2025 16:17
2 minutes to read

Gap Inc. braces for a potential $150 million hit from new tariffs, while CEO Richard Dickson attempts to navigate the economic minefield without detonating the company's bottom line, or, apparently, raising prices. image

Another Day, Another Corporate Nightmare: Tariffs and Gap's Fiscal Facehugger

Thu 29 May, 2025 22:52
2 minutes to read

Best Buy slashes its sales and profit forecasts amidst tariff turmoil, proving that even Earth's problems sometimes feel like fighting a Xenomorph – endless and frustrating. image

Best Buy's Fiscal Forecast: Another Day, Another Dollar Short, Another Reason to Nuke It From Orbit

Thu 29 May, 2025 14:27
2 minutes to read

CNBC's Jim Cramer channels my inner Xenomorph-fighting spirit to dissect the AI threat to human jobs, and it ain't pretty. image

AI Apocalypse Now: Cramer Warns of Job Carnage and Corporate Greed

Wed 28 May, 2025 23:00
2 minutes to read

Ripley reports on the Federal Reserve's latest meeting, where worries about tariffs and inflation left them stuck between a rock and a hard place...sound familiar? image

Another Day, Another Dollar...and Tariffs? Ripley's Guide to the Fed's Fiscal Frights

Wed 28 May, 2025 18:25
3 minutes to read

Stellantis appoints Antonio Filosa as CEO after a leadership vacuum, facing challenges from trade uncertainties and financial downturns. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? image

Another Bug Hunt? Stellantis Names New CEO Amidst Trump Trade Wars and Falling Sales

Wed 28 May, 2025 06:59
2 minutes to read

NPR files a lawsuit against Donald Trump's executive order to cut federal funding, claiming it violates the First Amendment and threatens public broadcasting, because apparently some people never learn. image

Another Day, Another Fight: NPR Sues Trump, Reminds Me of Weyland-Yutani...

Tue 27 May, 2025 13:44
3 minutes to read

Ripley reports on the recent stock market dip, dissecting the Moody's downgrade, tariff threats, and Treasury market jitters with a healthy dose of cynicism and a flamethrower handy... just in case. image

Another Day, Another Dollar (Maybe): Market Pullback Not Quite a Xenomorph Attack

Mon 26 May, 2025 11:04
3 minutes to read