Trump's Iranian Gambit Fuels Election Chaos: Affordability Takes a Backseat

Morty Grab the Portal Gun: Politics Just Got Messy

Alright Morty buckle up. Seems like those bureaucratic buffoons in Washington are at it again. Remember when I said politics was just a distraction from the infinite possibilities of the multiverse? Well this Iran situation proves my point. Instead of focusing on I don't know curing interdimensional herpes they're busy blowing stuff up and messing with gas prices. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub. So basically the midterm elections were supposed to be about whether people can afford to buy enough Szechuan sauce to drown their sorrows but now it's about whether Trump's latest temper tantrum is gonna bankrupt the country. Great job geniuses.

The Price of Freedom (and Oil)

As if things weren't already screwed up enough this war in Iran is sending oil prices soaring faster than I can chug a bottle of green stuff. US crude jumped past $90 a barrel and gas prices are spiking higher than Summer's IQ after a bottle of wine. That's bad news for everyone Morty except maybe the oil companies. They're probably swimming in cash laughing at all the schmucks who have to choose between filling up their tanks and feeding their families. And the Democrats are loving it Morty they are seizing the opportunity to blame everything on Trump. You know classic political squabbling while the world burns. By the way talking about great opportunities have you read India's Dope New Defense Deal with France? Now that is what I call a smart move defense deals not this Iran mess. It's like they actually have a plan unlike well everyone here.

Republicans Gamble on a Quick Win (Good Luck With That)

So the Republicans are hoping this whole Iran thing blows over quickly like a bad case of the interdimensional flu. Senator Whoever He Is thinks that if they just bomb Iran's missiles and nukes oil prices will magically go back down. Riiiight. That's about as likely as Summer getting into Mensa. The problem Morty is that wars are messy unpredictable and usually end up making things worse. Just ask anyone who's ever tried to invade my garage.

Trump's "America First" Agenda: Now With Extra Explosions

Trump Mr. "America First" himself is now knee deep in another foreign war. Go figure. The Democrats are having a field day accusing him of breaking his promise to end "forever wars." And honestly Morty they're kind of right. It's like he's allergic to keeping his word or maybe he just forgot what he said because he was too busy tweeting about how great he is. Who knows? Who cares? Point is this war is going to cost a fortune and it's probably not going to make America any greater than it already isn't. And it isn't that great Morty you can take it from me.

The Bottom Line: We're All Screwed (As Usual)

So what's the takeaway here Morty? Simple: we're all screwed. Whether it's rising gas prices endless wars or politicians bickering like toddlers the system is designed to keep us miserable. But hey at least we have Szechuan sauce right? Just kidding. They probably raised the price of that too. Time to invent a portal gun and move to a dimension where everything isn't completely bonkers. Or maybe just get really really drunk. That's usually my go to strategy.

Reality Check: Nobody Knows What They're Doing

Let's be real Morty. These politicians these experts they're all just winging it. They pretend to know what they're doing but really they're just making it up as they go along. It's like that time I tried to build a time machine out of a toaster and a microwave. Did it work? Nope. Did I almost destroy the universe? Maybe. That's Washington in a nutshell Morty.