David Sacks Plots Tech Domination From New White House Perch

From Czar to Co Chair A Calculated Promotion

So David Sacks eh? He's 'used up' his 130 days as a special government employee. Sounds like someone's been a busy beaver. But now he's moving to the President's Council of Advisers on Science & Technology or PCAST. PCAST. Sounds vaguely threatening doesn't it? Like some sort of… laser beam that can only be activated by precisely aligned acronyms. He wants to "make recommendations on not just AI but an expanded range of technology topics." Hmm expanded range. That means bigger lasers. And more sharks with even bigger lasers strapped to their heads.

Trump's Tech Whisperer A Masterplan Unfolds

He's been in Trump's ear since the second term began. Oh yes he's got the President wrapped around his little finger. A Silicon Valley entrepreneur they say. I'd say more like a Silicon Valley puppet master. He is still pushing Trump's AI framework. An AI framework. It sounds innocent doesn't it? "Oh let's just put a little framework around this AI thing." But I can see it now: soon robots will be delivering my sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads. It's all part of the plan I tell you. Speaking of things that dip…have you seen Cisco's Earnings Impress But Stock Dips Giggety? It’s all connected I tell you…all of it.

Permitting Power and My Global Ambitions

Sacks is also pushing for easier permitting and power generation for companies. He wants to facilitate rapid infrastructure buildouts without raising residential electricity rates. Lies all lies. He'll raise the rates for the little people so the big corporations can fund my moon base. He sold over $200 million in digital asset related investments. That's a lot of money. Enough to buy… one really big laser.

Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams

Now you see that's what I'm talking about. With Sacks whispering sweet nothings into Trump's ear we're one step closer to a world where every pet… no EVERY SENTIENT BEING has a laser beam attached to it. Mwah hah hah

Craft Ventures and Global Domination

He is currently a partner at Craft Ventures which he co founded in 2017. I will craft my own ventures with an even bigger laser. No more Mr. Nice Villain. It's time for Doctor Evil to rise again and claim what is rightfully mine… the world. Starting with… the Isle of Wight.

One Million Dollars Not Enough

Of course I need funding. Forget one million dollars; I need… one BILLION dollars. And some interns. Preferably ones who don't ask too many questions. And maybe a new cat. Mr. Bigglesworth is getting a bit… fluffy. He needs more sharks with laser beams on their heads to chase.