Trump's Oil Gambit Calm Waters or Fool's Errand

Initial Panic Buying Spree

Right so listen up you simpletons. Newsflash: Oil prices went bloody mental earlier this week. Apparently everyone's suddenly worried about a little dust up in the Middle East. Honestly it's like watching Brian try to understand quantum physics – pure unadulterated chaos. Prices shot up higher than Lois's tolerance for Peter's shenanigans. Honestly you'd think the world was ending. Someone fetch me my evil plotting chair.

Trump to the Rescue Kind Of

Enter the Tangerine Tornado himself Donald Trump. He's decided to play insurance salesman for oil tankers. Yes you heard that right. It's like watching Quagmire try to give relationship advice – utterly baffling. He's promising 'political risk insurance' and maybe even a Navy escort. I suppose it's slightly less idiotic than Peter's foreign policy ideas. And speaking of markets defying gravity have you seen what happened with Instacart Defies Gravity Shares Soar Amidst Strong Earnings? Who knew groceries could be so thrilling

Calm Seas or Calm Before the Storm

Of course the markets being the fickle beasts they are calmed down a bit after Trump's grand pronouncements. Prices dropped like Lois's standards after a few glasses of Chardonnay. But let's be real this is just a temporary fix isn't it? Like Peter trying to diet – it’s never going to last. The Strait of Hormuz is still a powder keg and all it takes is one rogue Iranian dinghy to send everything up in flames.

Hormuz Strait The World's Oil Artery

Now for those of you who haven't been paying attention in geography class – which let's face it is probably all of you – the Strait of Hormuz is kind of a big deal. About 20% of the world's oil goes through there. Close it down and you've got a global economic migraine worse than Meg's attempts at being funny. It’s essentially the world's oil artery. Block it and everyone gets cranky – even me and I’m perpetually cranky.

Triple Digit Crude A Possibility

Some so called 'experts' are saying oil could hit $100 a barrel if things get really hairy. Frankly that’s terrifying. I mean where am I going to get the money for my Dom Perignon? It would be a disaster worse than the time Peter tried to build a robot. The sheer incompetence of it all

Short Term Relief or Illusion

Trump in his infinite wisdom thinks this is all just a temporary blip. 'A little high oil prices for a little while,' he says. As if that makes it all better. It's like saying 'A little bit of arsenic in your tea.' The point is this is all a house of cards waiting to collapse. So buckle up buttercups. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Now if you'll excuse me I need a martini and a plan to take over the world. Again.