Trump's Ten-Day Doomsday Clock Ticks for Iran Oil Markets Brace

Ten Days to Total Global… Disruption. Mwahahaha

So President Trump bless his… unique approach has given himself a ten day deadline to decide whether to launch military strikes against Iran. Ten days! That's like what point zero zero zero zero one percent of eternity? But enough time to cook up some mayhem. As I always say "Throw me a frickin' bone here!" Seriously though the prospect of a U.S. attack has sent oil markets into a tizzy. And by tizzy I mean a beautiful chaotic dance of supply and demand that could make me… richer. Much richer.

Oil Prices: Dr. Evil's New Best Friend

Naturally U.S. crude oil prices have jumped and global benchmark Brent is also up. "One point nine percent," to be precise. It may not seem like much but when you're talking about global oil markets that's practically a tectonic shift. All because of the potential for a good old fashioned war. Ah war. What is it good for? Absolutely lining my pockets. And speaking of global financial events have you heard about Cisco Shares Sizzle Then Fizzle: A Dragon Queen's Prudent Pivot? It's a rollercoaster of epic proportions almost as thrilling as planning world domination. Almost.

Meaningful Deals or Meaningless Mayhem?

According to Trump it's "not easy to make a meaningful deal with Iran." Well no it's not. Especially when you're threatening them with military action every other Tuesday. But hey who am I to judge? I've only tried to take over the world a few times. And as we all know if you don't make a meaningful deal "bad things happen." What kind of bad things? Oh I don't know… global recession nuclear war sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. You know the usual.

U.S. Military: Operation 'Show of Force'

To add fuel to the fire the U.S. is building up its military presence in the Middle East. We've got the USS Abraham Lincoln aircraft carrier in the region and another one the USS Gerald Ford on its way. It's like a floating armada of doom! Or you know just a way to "encourage" Iran to come to the negotiating table. Whatever helps me sleep at night.

Geneva Talks: Far Apart Like Me and Basic Human Decency

U.S. envoys have been in Geneva talking to Iran about its nuclear program. But according to Vice President Vance Iran didn't address Trump's red lines. Surprise surprise. And White House Press Secretary Leavitt says that while some progress was made the U.S. and Iran are "still very far apart on some issues." This is like me trying to explain my plans for world domination to Number Two. He just doesn't get it.

Strait of Hormuz: The World's Oil Artery Under Threat

Finally we have Iran's Revolutionary Guard holding military exercises in the Strait of Hormuz. This is a key chokepoint for the global oil trade. Any disruption there and we're talking about serious financial pain for everyone. Except of course for yours truly. War? What war? All I see are opportunities for strategic investment. Mwahahaha.