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Despite global trade wars, European stock markets are holding their own, outperforming their American counterparts due to stable politics, fiscal stimulus, and favorable market composition. But could it all go to blerns in a handbasket? image

Good News Everyone! Europe's Stock Market is Surprisingly Not Doomed!

Fri 11 April, 2025 14:46
3 minutes to read

Tesla halts orders for Model S and Model X in China amidst escalating trade tensions between the US and China, impacting sales and market share. image

Tesla Shuts Down Model S and X Orders in China! Is This the End of the Road for Cool Cars?

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:39
2 minutes to read

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon predicts corporate earnings will drop due to trade uncertainty, leaving companies and investors in a state of 'wait-and-see.' What does this mean for your pocket, listen up! image

Jamie Dimon Says What?! Trade War Could Mess With Your Money, Word!

Fri 11 April, 2025 14:08
2 minutes to read

Puss in Boots reports on BlackRock CEO Larry Fink's grim forecast, questioning if the US economy is truly headed for a 'negative' turn and if Trump's tariffs are to blame. image

Recession Imminent! Is the Economy Really About to Croak Like a Certain Gingerbread Man?!

Fri 11 April, 2025 14:08
2 minutes to read

Donkey reports on the tough times facing venture capital due to market turbulence and tariffs, but hey, maybe Europe's startups will finally get a chance to shine! image

Venture Capitalists are in Trouble! Is This the End of Startups as We Know Them?!

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:58
3 minutes to read

U.S. Energy Secretary Chris Wright shrugs off falling oil prices, predicting an energy-abundant future for America, while I, Bender, question his optimism. image

Bite My Shiny Metal Asteroid! Oil Prices Plummet, But This Dude Says We're All Gonna Be Rich!

Fri 11 April, 2025 13:50
3 minutes to read

Sheldon Cooper reports on the UN's International Maritime Organization's groundbreaking, albeit imperfect, agreement on global fuel emission standards for the maritime sector, and the US's predictably irrational response. image

Bazinga! The World's Ships Are Going Green... Without America!?

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:10
3 minutes to read

Shrek reports on JPMorgan Chase's surprising first-quarter earnings and Jamie Dimon's ogre-sized concerns about the economy. image

What in Tarnation is JPMorgan Chase Up To?!

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:23
3 minutes to read

Morgan Stanley's first-quarter earnings explode, fueled by volatile markets and a hefty dose of good old-fashioned financial wizardry. Is this the end of Stark Industries?! image

Did Morgan Stanley Just Make More Money Than Stark Industries?! You Won't Believe This!

Fri 11 April, 2025 12:02
2 minutes to read

Analysts say despite trade tensions with the US, the EU and China are unlikely to become close allies quickly due to existing economic and geopolitical hurdles. Hulk not surprised! image

Hulk SMASH! China and Europe NOT Best Friends Forever?!

Fri 11 April, 2025 10:15
2 minutes to read