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The Trump Organization is selling 'Trump 2028' merchandise, sparking rumors of a third term. Fake news media is going crazy, but everyone knows I'm the best! image

Trump 2028 Hats: Because America Needs More Winning!

Thu 24 April, 2025 21:33
2 minutes to read

Master Chief reports on the impending retail shortages caused by trade war tariffs, impacting everything from apparel to action figures. Lock and load, people, it's about to get real. image

Wake Me When You Need Me: Retail Apocalypse Looming Over Tariff Troubles!

Thu 24 April, 2025 19:25
3 minutes to read

The Magnificent Seven's market dominance is fading, leaving Wall Street scrambling for new tricks and treats. Are we having fun yet? image

Why So Serious, Tech Stocks? Mag 7's Meltdown and the Market's Mayhem!

Thu 24 April, 2025 20:01
2 minutes to read

Intel beats expectations but issues disappointing guidance, announces expense cuts, and faces a market share fight, leaving Gotham... I mean, investors, in suspense. image

Intel's Dark Knight Rises... Or Does It? (Spoiler: Maybe Not Yet)

Thu 24 April, 2025 22:00
4 minutes to read

Despite beating estimates, Intel faces a dark forecast and slashes expenses under new CEO Lip-Bu Tan, stirring unrest in the ranks. image

Intel's Balance Sheet: A Disturbance in the Force, or Just Another Tuesday?

Thu 24 April, 2025 22:00
3 minutes to read

Geralt of Rivia reports on Meta's Reality Labs layoffs, finding humor and irony in the tech giant's virtual struggles. image

Metaverse Meltdown: Reality Labs Gets Geralt's Silver Sword Treatment!

Thu 24 April, 2025 20:31
3 minutes to read

Burns analyses Alphabet's Q1 triumph, musing on AI, cloud dominance, and those pesky 'Other Bets'. image

Excellent! Alphabet's Profits Soar, Smithers, Ready the Corporate Jet!

Thu 24 April, 2025 21:44
2 minutes to read

Alphabet (aka Google's Mom) just dropped its latest report card, and it's got more As than Lisa after a caffeine bender! Money, Money, Money! image

Eat My Shorts, Wall Street! Alphabet's Cash Pile is Bigger Than Milhouse's Comic Book Collection!

Thu 24 April, 2025 21:44
2 minutes to read

Sheldon Cooper analyzes the ongoing trade tensions between Europe and the U.S., offering a uniquely logical and occasionally exasperated perspective on the matter. image

Bazinga! Tariffs, Trade, and Transatlantic Tribulations: A Cooperian Commentary

Thu 24 April, 2025 17:27
3 minutes to read

Even giants stumble! Comcast's Q1 earnings show customer losses despite revenue gains. Will they pull a MrBeast and give stuff away to win back hearts? image

Comcast Loses Customers?! Time To Give Away FREE INTERNET (Maybe)!

Thu 24 April, 2025 14:36
2 minutes to read